


into pieces

by theflyjar



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Car Sex, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hemophilia, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnancy, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-07-27 20:10:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16226453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflyjar/pseuds/theflyjar
Summary: What Yixing and Yifan have is easy, it's convenient.A baby, however, isn't.





	1. One.

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday, yixing.
> 
> this fic uses the chinese names for minseok and jongdae, which are minxi and zhongda!!

“How much of that cheese flavouring is on your fingers?”

“Enough to smudge it into these cushions and ruin them, if you don’t be quiet.”

“Don’t you dare, Minxi would _kill_ me.”

“Then, shut up. I have asked you eight times to close your mouth and look pretty.”

“You hear that, Yixing? Yifan thinks I’m pretty.”

With a sigh, Yixing ignored the bickering friends and kept his gaze focused on the screen of his laptop.

“Can you not stay silent for five more minutes? I’m trying to watch something here.”

Yixing closed his laptop lid and his eyes at the same time. “Both of you are as bad as each other. Lu Han, let him watch the game and, Yifan, if you wanted peace and quiet, you should have stayed at your own apartment. I can’t get this commission finished because your squabbling has been driving me insane all morning. So _please_ just leave each other alone and let me get this cover done before it’s due on Monday.”

When the youngest opened his eyes again, both of his friends were sat side-by-side on the sofa with their gazes downcast. They looked like children who were sulking after being scolded by a parent. Yixing was half expecting one of them to mutter out, _“He started it.”_

An ever so slightly more contented sigh left Yixing’s mouth as he returned to his work, fiddling around between _Illustrator_ and _InDesign_ as he played with the colour and composition of his design. It wasn’t long before could see the other two soundlessly shoving each other in their seats and it only took a few firmly weighted pushes to have Yifan flailing off the couch with a loud yelp.

“You _asshole_.”

“You pushed me first!”

“I pushed you because you got Xing mad at us.”

“It wasn’t just me, it was you, too,” Lu Han retorted smartly. “So I had every right to shove you back and you made it worse by pushing me again. And shit, you got that fucking gross cheese stuff on my shirt.”

“God, you’re so annoy—,”

“That’s it,” Yixing yelled, slamming his _MacBook_ shut on the table. He quickly rose to his feet, gathering up the papers that were cast around him, “I am going home. You’re both impossible to work around.”

Everything in his hands was shoved sloppily into his bag whilst he stormed his way over to the living room’s exit and into the hallway to cram his feet into his shoes. He left the apartment and called the elevator up to where he was on the sixth floor. He could hear voices come through the door before complete silence, he’d usually laugh at his friends and how they were. But, he was stressed and he was _tired_. They both knew this commission was a big deal for Yixing and his career, and they still acted like children. What he said to Yifan could have probably applied to him, too; if he wanted to concentrate, he should have simply stayed at home.

As the elevator arrived, the door of the apartment swung open and somebody walked out.

“Come back in, Xing,” Yifan’s voice was the one he heard. “We’ll be quiet, we didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s fine, I’ll work faster when I’m home, anyway.”

“But,” Yifan’s voice lowered, “I thought we could, you know, go home _together_.”

“Not today, Fan, I want to get this stuff finished so I can send it for review tonight.”

“Then I’ll come over later, yeah? We can celebrate.”

Yixing turned back to his best friend and shook his head. “Not tonight, I’m not in the mood.”

“Then we can just hang out, nothing _no-strings_ has to happen.”

“Yifan, I just want to get my work done and go to sleep. Go back, watch your game and eat your gross cheesy puffs. I’ll text you when I’m home and we can meet up tomorrow for coffee or something, just not tonight.”

 

///

 

The portfolio case weighed heavy in Yixing’s hand as he made his way into the stairwell, he dropped it down once he’d climbed up a few flights of stairs up towards his office level. He leant against the wall, breathing shakily. Before his meeting, he had been filled with nerves, and being drained of the adrenaline slight anxiety brought, all he could do was deflate. He rested his head next to the floor number painted on the wall and began laughing softly to himself.

“That was really great, Yixing,” a voice called up and Yixing jumped upright to see his smiling boss. She was a softly featured woman,  who had fine lines around her eyes and mouth, she had the odd grey strand amongst a thick head of bistre brown hair. She was a hard-working and extremely adept graphic designer. Her creativity and perseverance in the field is what drew Yixing to work for the company they belong to; Yixing admired her greatly. “Remember to keep this review feedback in your portfolio, it’ll be great evidence for your future clients.”

“You think so?”

“Of course, you basically had the finished product nailed in the review session. All you’ve got to do is make sure you weight out those ascenders and descenders on the title, then you’re ready for a secondary review.” She was smiling, curling her lips at the edges until Yixing couldn’t help to return it. “Seriously, you did a great job in there.”

Yixing nodded his head, he muttered a short _thank you_ prior to lifting his case up again to take back to his desk. His boss’ phone rang and her beaming smile shifted to a polite and apologetic one as she put the device to her ear. Bolstered by her praise, Yixing continued up the rest of the stairs. He found his cubicle with a slight level of renewal and let out another short laugh, relief coming over him in a cool wash.

“What’s got you so giddy?” Came a voice from above and the Yixing jolted slightly in his chair.

“Jesus Christ, Tao.” Yixing placed his hand against his chest in fright. “You almost scared me half to death.”

“Not sorry,” he shrugged his shoulders. He leant over Yixing’s desk and took a lollipop from the pot of them that Yixing had. “But anyway, you’re all smiley. I thought you had that big presentation thing today?”

“I just did it.” Yixing relaxed back into his seat and twizzled himself around to look at his friend. Tao’s eyes widened as he glanced at the clock, it was barely past eleven in the morning. Most presentations were held in the afternoon to ensure that all printable materials were collated and collected. “The clients were only in the city for a few hours as a layover before they went to the U.S., and they were really pleased with my work.”

“Did they see your idea mock-ups or did you only take your design boards down?”

“I had the whole concept in simulation and they loved it.” Yixing couldn’t stop his grin if he tried, allowing himself to feel a sense of pride. “I was terrified, I thought I had wet myself at one point, I was sweating that much. But no, they want a few tweaks to some things before we have our second review, and then I hope we’re all set.”

“Jeez,” Tao huffed out. “You’re making the rest of us seem pretty useless if you can get that in the first review session. With such a big client, too.”

“I’m just as shocked as you are by it.”  Yixing guided his portfolio under his desk with his foot before pulling himself right up to the edge of the table. “I don’t know what to do with myself now.”

Tao’s eyes gleamed, “We could go out tonight for some _well-done-Yixing-ge_ drinks?”

“That sounds pretty good to me,” Yixing watched his junior shuffle back to his desk a few cubicles away. “Give me a tap on the shoulder when you’re ready to go later and we can head out together.”

Yixing turned back to his _MacBook_ on his desk, typing in his password and clicking the mail app on the dock bar at the bottom of the screen. He trawled through his emails, looking for his next assignments, and sat idly on _Weibo_ when he had nothing else to do. It was only when boredom fully hit, that Yixing reached into his desk drawer and brought out his doodle pad.

There had been a job sent to him by a company who wanted their logo redesigning, it was an easy task as Yixing took in their overly basic starting point. He decided to scribble down some ideas, hoping to incorporate their concept as best he could.

If there was anything Yixing loved, it was working, and nothing felt more like an accomplishment to him than having his hard work out in the world for people to see. He had very slowly garnered more recognition in his company, striving hard to stick out amongst a cohort of skilled and dillident designers, much like himself. But, he could sense he was being given progressively more important jobs, it felt a lot like the professional achievement he had dreamt of having when he’d gone to university to study graphic communication.

When Tao tapped Yixing's shoulder, the time on Yixing's watch read just past seven in the evening, and his back rippled with clicks as he unfurled from his hunched drawing position. The muscles in his arms ached, his fingers felt almost numb when he curled them and his ankles creaked as he stood up onto his feet.

Packing everything into his bag was easy, though, was difficult for him to believe that it was only a Wednesday. Usually, his bag was overflowing with pieces of paper he’d sketched ideas on to. But, having wrapped up his big project, he only had to take his _MacBook_ and sketch pad.

Yixing felt liquid all over as he worked through the cardboard stiffness of his joints to be able to walk alongside a few of his colleagues, who were heading down and out of their building. It was Tao that stuck by his side until he stepped into the elevator, Tao was talking incessantly about this cute man with a lisp he'd met on an online game. Yixing nodded and hummed along, still rolling his joints to loosen them as Tao continued on.

Tao only stopped talking when they left the building, heading out towards the subway station down the street. Yixing was searching around in his bag for his phone and subway card when Tao spoke again,

"We'll take a rain check on those drinks, okay?"

Confused, Yixing looked up from where his hands were stuffed into his dark bag. What he saw was Yifan sat on the bonnet of his car with his phone in hand and a box of twelve beers at his side. His hair and clothing were styled far better than they had been when Yixing last saw him at Lu Han and Minxi’s apartment, making it evident that he’d driven over straight from work.

The sound of Tao’s voice managed to get Yifan’s attention, too, and he stood up, waving at both of them as they crossed the street to see him.

“Look at this, it’s my two favourite designers at the same time.”

“You say that like you actually care about graphics, Ge.” Tao rolled his eyes, moving around to the passenger side of Yifan’s car, opening the door to dump his stuff inside. “You’ve ruined my plans to take Yixing-ge out to a bar, so you’re driving me home.”

“How did I ruin your plans? You can always come with us to drink these.”

“Like you guys would even want me there,” Tao’s words whistled out from between his teeth. “You’re the worst to be around if it’s just three of us, or if Xing-ge isn’t working. So, take me home.”

“But you live in the opposite direction to me,” Yifan frowned slightly. “That means that I have to go out of my way to drop you back.”

“Can’t you just drink your beers at Xing-ge’s flat? I live on the way to his place, so it’s not that far.”

Yifan’s eyes blinked towards Yixing’s before he deflated a little. It was obvious to Yixing that Yifan’s plans hadn’t been to take Yixing home, at all. Inwardly, Yixing snorted. But, to Tao, Yifan’s look to Yixing came across like feigned reluctance to bend to Tao’s will. Rather, than the expression of giving in that Yixing saw.

“Come on, Yifan-ge,” Tao moved to sit in the car. “Or, I’ll tell Lu Han-ge that you’ve been showing favouritism towards Xing-ge... Again.”

“He’s my best friend, what else am I supposed to do? Treat him like shit?” Yifan sounded exasperated but his smile betrayed him as he stood up from the bonnet to go to the driver’s side of the car. He puts the beer into the back of the car, out of reach of Tao who leans to grab one. “You all act like I completely ignore you for Xing.”

“Still, Lu Han-ge has that money jar where you have to pay ten yuan into it whenever you pick Ge over us.”

“Like there’s anything substantial even in that jar.”

“Ge, there’s like three thousand yuan in there,” Tao cried out, making Yifan’s head snap around.

Yixing laughed as Yifan’s eyes widened in both horror and shock.

“That much?”

“Yeah, you’ve only been paying into it for like a year, too.”

“Jesus Christ,” Yifan groaned. He didn’t shut his car door and kept his head poked out to look up at Yixing, “Why don’t you get fined for this kind of thing? You pick favourites all the time.”

Yixing shrugs, ruffling Yifan’s hair as he walks past to get into the back of the car, “Discretion is key, Fan-ge.”

When they were all in the car, just as Yifan went to start the engine, Tao looked between Yifan and Yixing for a second before announcing,

“I call dibs on Xing-ge tomorrow night, though!”

Yifan was nothing but affronted at the mere suggestion Tao had made. “You know me and Xing are always together on Thursdays.”

It was their movie night, and it had been almost every Thursday since they’d met.

“You’re together nearly every day, so don’t pull that card, Ge.”

“You two work with each other, you’re with Yixing far more than me.”

“Why don’t we sort this out tomorrow?”

With a set of huffs from both Tao and Yifan, they both acquiesced to Yixing’s request. Tao plugged the aux cord into his phone and nudged Yifan to get him to choose a song before Yifan pulled away from where he’d parked. When the two of them started messing around, Yixing closed his eyes and relaxed into his seat. The drive was at least thirty minutes to Tao’s apartment, then ten more until Yixing’s. Which, in Yixing’s mind, was more than enough time for him to try and clear his head from thinking about work.

Using only his feet, Yixing managed to get his shoes off and moved his legs until he was curled up in his seat. From there, he concentrated on listening to himself breathe and the feeling of the air moving in and out of his body. He relaxed his hands on top of his knees, stretching his fingers every so often to rid them of the aches holding a pen all day gave him.

Even with the laughter and playfulness of the other two blaring loudly in the car, Yixing managed to fall asleep with his head tilted back. He found a strange sense of comfort in the sound of his friends’ happiness, letting their laughter riddled voices leave a sleepy smile on his lips.

Never one to enjoy being awoken, Yixing jolted when air was blown onto his throat and pushed his arms out to get the other person away. Much like when he’d fallen asleep, there was a rumbling chuckle. It was closer than it had been before. There was only one of them, too.

“What did you do that for?” He grumbled, not opening his eyes and simply curling back in on himself again. “Whatever happened to nudging somebody awake?”

“I tried that but it didn’t work.”

Finally, blinking until he was properly awoken, Yixing noted that he was still in the back of the car. Instead of it being on the street in front of his apartment block, it was in an garage. Even without looking in too much detail at his surroundings, Yixing knew they were in the underground parking area beneath Yifan’s apartment building.

Yifan reached down into the footwell of the seat he was on and lifted a can of beer up, he opened it with a pull of the tab as he passed it over to Yixing. Raising an eyebrow, Yixing took the offered drink and tipped it back to take a long gulp. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Yifan copied his previous actions with his own beer. Yixing observed how Yifan made quick work of his first few swigs before looking ahead to the front of the car.

It was quiet, Yixing drank half of his can before he unbuckled his seatbelt and slid into the middle seat. Yifan didn’t say anything as Yixing leant his head against his shoulder and neither did Yixing when Yifan placed his hand on Yixing’s knee. They merely continued to drink their beers.

When Yifan had finished his drink and put it into the cup holder in the car door, Yixing tilted his head to look up at him.

“Is there any reason why we’re doing this in the back of your car and not in your apartment?” Yixing could feel the warmth of the beer in his stomach as he spoke. And that of Yifan’s hand on his knee.

“Not really.” Yifan’s shoulder moved under Yixing’s head in a short shrug. “I just like how quiet it is down here.”

“Oh, okay.” Yixing hadn’t yet drunk all of his own beer and kept at it until there was only a small sip left in the bottom of the can. He swirled it gently, listening to the gentle sloshing sounds it made. He rubbed his thumb over the logo on the front before finishing the beer off.

“I also want to say sorry,” Yifan hummed, his hand moving up a few inches to squeeze Yixing’s thigh just above his knee. It was supposed to be comforting, yet all Yixing could feel was the warmth of the palm through his trousers. “I didn’t mean to stress you out the other night, neither did Lu Han. I know that project is a big deal to you and I shouldn’t have made it harder on you than it already was.I just want you to know that I am sorry for that.”

“It’s fine.” Yixing smiled. “I should have known I wasn’t going to get anything done there. It’s like it was in college when we’d all end up playing around instead of studying.”

“Still, you seemed pretty pent up about it.” Yixing could hear Yifan moving his head to look down at him. Yifan’s breath breezed through his hair, too. “I don’t like it when you’re stressed.”

“I got the work done and the client was happy about it.” There was another squeeze to Yixing’s thigh and he shifted a little in his seat. “There’s nothing for you to worry about. Can I have another beer?”

As soon as Yixing’s question was posed, the fingers resting on his leg were gone and they only returned when there was a beer between them. Yixing sat a little more upright and opened the can for himself, being sure to swallow down a few mouthfuls before he resumed his position tucked into Yifan's side.

Almost instantly, the hand was back on Yixing's leg. Except, it was another few inches higher than it had been before. Yixing's fingers curled around the metal in his hand a little tighter as he moved it up to his lips. He could see Yifan looking at him from the corner over his eye and turned to meet his gaze, angling his head to the side in question.

The response he received was a tiny curl at the edge of Yifan's lips, which accompanied one of Yifan's fingers twitching up Yixing's leg. The finger didn't stop moving, instead, it moved in a caressing motion around the inner seam of Yixing's trousers, teasing at the stitching of the fabric.

"I knew you wouldn't have just wanted to drive me home or have me stay over without having _intentions_."

Yifan's smile widened and he shuffled around on his seat until he had his back to the door, to face Yixing fully. "I want to give you an apology."

“You’ve already done that.” Yixing laughed softly into his beer, making Yifan chuckle along in time with him. Still, the hand on Yixing's leg moved boldly upwards.

"That was a verbal apology… This is a physical one."

With a lick of his lips and a quirk if his eyebrow, Yixing nodded. Yifan took the drink from Yixing's hand and slid it into the cup holder on the door. Yifan removed his prying fingers and used them to guide Yixing until he was sat with the back of his head on the cold glass of the window he had been sleeping against twenty minutes prior. One leg rested on the back of the seats and the other was in the footwell, leaving both of Yixing's thighs open to Yifan's touches.

Yixing, hoping to get ahead of time, undid his trousers and began to shuffle them down until Yifan took over and pulled them, and his underwear, completely off his legs. Once the fabric had been discarded, Yixing resumed his position and Yifan immediately followed after him. Yifan’s fingers instantly teased at Yixing's limp cock, his mouth sucked kisses alternately on Yixing’s thighs. Those two relatively small actions meant that all Yixing could sense was the tingling of arousal dispersing through his body.

It really didn't take much from Yifan to get Yixing hard enough for Yifan to consider putting the head of Yixing's cock into his mouth. One of Yifan's hands wrapped around Yixing's outer thigh, as the other kept Yixing's dick between Yifan's lips. Every so often, Yifan would stop teasing at the head to kiss down the rest of the shaft and even swipe a few licks against Yixing's balls.

A cluster of heaved sighs pushed their way out of Yixing's lungs, forcing his lips to part as he tilted his head further back, arching his back. The puffs of air were accented with small whimpers as Yifan took more of Yixing's cock into his mouth. Those intensified to groans when Yifan flattened his tongue out to give Yixing a better slide in and out as he began to bob his head. Yifan’s technique was exactly what Yixing liked, the harshness of Yifan’s sucks as he hollowed out his cheeks, the lack of minding how much saliva coats over the skin of Yixing’s cock, and the gentle teasing of his balls as Yifan moves one of his hands to cup them. Yixing’s fingers grasped at Yifan’s hair, ruining the way it’d been styled as he hoped the contact would ground him and stop the urges to flick his hips up towards Yifan’s face.

Yixing could see his chest heaving while his eyes fixed themselves on watching Yifan’s head move, his fingers gripped tightly but his arms remained limp with the spreading sensations of lust-filled arousal. He loved how Yifan was never afraid to draw Yixing’s cock completely into his mouth, the overly slippery lubricant of Yifan’s saliva and Yixing’s pre-cum could be felt with every slide of Yifan’s lips and twitch of his tongue. If Yixing were to pull Yifan’s head out from between his legs, he knew he would see that glistening mix erupting from Yifan’s mouth and dribbling down his chin.

Such a sight was exactly what he saw when Yifan pulled back, leaving Yixing’s cock curved and shining under the dim light of the garage. Yifan’s hands began to pull at his own clothing and Yixing felt himself growing restless. It was that expanding tension that made Yixing reach out and delve his hand into the leather pocket on the back of the front passenger seat. He pried out the greasy feeling bottle he knew was there almost instantly. The lubricant cap was easy for Yixing to snap open and squeeze out some of the fluid before tossing the container onto the floor. He spread the liquid across three of his own fingers and began to push them into himself. He knew he would not actually need much stretching out. But, doing as such meant Yifan could be inside him that little bit faster.

“Fuck, I don’t have a condom,” Yifan groaned, patting down his clothes, searching for one. “Do you?”

“I didn’t know you were going to blindside me at work to fuck me in your car. So, no, I do not.” Yixing’s voice was drenched in impatience, his eyes narrowing as he looked at the other. “Just fuck me now and I’ll drop by the pharmacy on my way to work, or something. Please, Yifan, I really don’t want to end this with a blowjob.”

By the time Yifan had shuffled around enough to pull his shirt off and bring his belted trousers to sit at his knees, Yixing’s legs were spread open as widely as he could get them. His fingers reached out to coat Yifan’s cock with the remaining lubricant that covered his hands, mixing it with the pre-cum that had begun to ebb out of the head of Yifan’s member. There were a few muted rumbles from Yifan’s chest as Yixing’s hands tugged at his cock, making it throb and pulse between Yixing’s fingers.

They didn’t exchange any words as Yifan leant over Yixing and guided his cock into Yixing. The initial thrust was smooth and had Yixing shifting to rest his legs comfortably, wrapping them around Yifan’s waist. It was only four thrusts before Yifan withdrew himself and sat back down into the seat he’d been kneeled on. Yixing followed after him instantly, swinging a leg over Yifan’s and using his hand to hold Yifan’s cock still as he sat back far enough to feel Yifan enter him again.

From there, Yixing placed his hands on Yifan’s shoulders and Yifan’s fingers curled into his hips to keep him upright.  Yixing always loved how Yifan’s cock felt inside him, the way it curves round just so and how the slightly swollen head of it feels moving in drags against his walls. When their eyes met, they both released chuckles but didn’t slow the pace Yixing had begun to set.

Having sex with Yifan, for Yixing, was easy and comfortable. He knew he would always be able to get off, whether it was Yifan sprawled out beneath him on a bed or if it was him sat on Yifan’s lap, lifting himself up and down. It’s what had been the allure of allowing their friendship to become physical, there was none of the potential disappointment that went hand-in-hand with a one night stand, and no sign of a suffocating relationship.

Not to mention that Yifan knew everything about Yixing and what he liked. Yixing was always thankful for their closeness when Yifan tilted his hips _just-so_ enough to brush against Yixing’s prostate. Or, that he knew he had to tilt his hand to the left when he fisted at Yixing’s cock.

In fact, Yifan knew exactly what to do to make Yixing stop laughing and throw his head back, silently crying out. Yixing kept his eyes looking down at Yifan and he watched as Yifan admired the way his muscles fluttered as Yixing maintainer a rhythm of bouncing and grinding. After a while, Yixing leant back until his shoulder blades rested on the seat in front and used one of hands to support his weight. It was from there that Yixing began to roll his body in slightly different undulations, ones that had his body rippling. He knew he looked like sex personified, and he knew that Yifan thought so, too.

Yifan began to meet Yixing’s grinding with shallow thrusts, watching Yixing’s body as his muscles flexed. They met eyes and Yixing made sure to smirk, biting down on his lips as he moaned. Yifan’s fingers curled tightly around Yixing’s hips, telling, grumbling, “You’re so cocky, you know that right? You look fucking incredible and you fucking know it, too.”

Yixing laughed out, enjoying how Yifan’s voice had grown deeper with arousal. All he could do was reply with almost equal depth in his own words, “Can you blame me? And, it’s not like you don’t like it either.”

They didn’t say much more but Yixing worked himself on Yifan’s cock that little bit more, applying more force and speeding up until he saw Yifan’s eyes flicker. It was Yifan that countered Yixing’s movements by wrapping his fingers around Yixing’s cock. His member was still glossed with the shine of Yifan’s spittle and the seemingly never ending trickle of pre-cum escaping the tip.

With Yifan’s hand around him, Yixing was sure to curl his hips upwards and into Yifan’s grasp. The dual stimulation had the build-up of an orgasm coiling up in his lower stomach at a rapid rate, and it spread the warmth of anticipation throughout his body. He started gasping, one hand clutching at the seat where it had been resting and the other digging his fingernails into Yifan’s shoulder, where he kept himself upright. Yifan released a series of short groans and pushed the hand that wasn’t on Yixing’s cock into his hair as his eyes fluttered closed.

Yixing only had to move a few more times to have Yifan hit his orgasm and cum inside of him. The flood of wet heat going into him and the twitching of Yifan’s cock had Yixing tipping over the edge. In the freefall of his climax, Yixing felt his cum splatter and string onto his torso, and have a few droplets fling to Yifan’s stomach as he bobbed on Yifan’s slowly softening cock to draw them through their orgasms. Yifan’s hand kept moving, as did Yixing’s hips, until the throbs of overstimulation hit them. They only drew to a stop when their mouths hung lax, their bodies spent and chests heaving.

Leaning forward, with Yifan’s aid, had Yixing sitting upright as he used his trembling knees to rise off of Yifan’s limp cock and they both dressed quickly in the cramped back seats. Yixing reached down and picked up the bottle of lubricant to shove it back into the seat pouch. Yifan cleared up the cans of beer and any smatterings of cum that landed on the car’s interior. When they’d left the garage, they looked at each other and cringed as wet cum stuck to their dry clothing.

“I call dibs on the shower,” Yixing muttered as they rode the elevator up to Yifan’s apartment, head pressed to Yifan’s chest.

“There’s two showers, you don’t have to ‘call dibs’.”

“Zhongda could be in one of them,” Yixing noted and Yifan shook his head.

“He’s back in Korea for the week,” Yifan explained. “It’s his mother’s birthday, remember? You gave him that gift to give her.”

“Oh, yeah,” Yixing nodded his head, realisation painting itself on his face. “For some reason, I thought that was next week.”

“Do you think I would have invited you over if Zhongda was here?” Yifan lifted his eyebrows. It was one of their rules; never have sex when the others were around.

The elevator doors opened up and Yixing walked straight to the door Yifan and Zhongda lived behind, not even waiting for Yifan to follow up behind him. Instead, he pulled out his own key and unlocked the door.

“We fucked in the car, Yifan,” Yixing pointed out, dumping his bag and shoes by the front door, “and unless you’re vying for round two, him being here wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Yixing, you’ve got cum soaked through on your shirt,” Yifan snorted, gesturing his hand towards Yixing’s stomach. “He’s not an idiot, he would have known.”

Almost immediately after hearing that, Yixing drags his shirt off over his head, tossing it into the linen basket Zhongda and Yifan had for their dirty laundry. He didn’t look back at Yifan, who was probably throwing the beer cans away and taking his own clothes off, to make his way to the bathroom. Yixing finished getting undressed again with the bathroom door open, not minding that Yifan could turn around and see him shimmying out of his soiled work pants.

Within thirty seconds, Yixing had the shower running and water soaking into his hair. He rubbed shampoo and conditioner in before tending to his body. He made quick work of cleaning off his stomach, making sure to use a washcloth to get everything away his skin. Once he was out of the shower and had put the used washcloth in the laundry, Yixing made his way into Yifan’s bedroom.

The sound of the shower running in Yifan’s ensuite greeted Yixing as he entered the room, he ignored the open bathroom door in favour of heading towards Yifan’s chest of drawers and pulling the bottom one open. He was greeted with the sight of a small selection of his own clean night clothing and hastily dressed himself before walking out into the lounge.

Yixing had always loved Yifan and Zhongda’s apartment. It was open and well-lit, even on smoggy days and dark evenings. The furniture had soft edges everywhere and blankets draped over the back of the large suede L shaped sofa and the two matching armchairs. Everything made Yixing feel relaxed. Especially when he noted that every space smelt like two of his best friends.

He padded over to the corner of the couch and sat himself in it, pulling one of the soft faux fur blankets over his legs whilst he curled up into a ball. The satisfied ache of sex and success at work had Yixing melting into the pillows as Yifan entered the living room. It was Yifan who turned the television on, not caring to change the channel from the drama that was airing and Yixing looked over to Yifan when he fell back into one of the armchairs.

“Do you want to crash out in the spare room or in Zhongda’s tonight? The sheets are clean in both.”

“I’ll just stay in the spare room,” Yixing hummed, flitting his gaze back to the television to try to understand what was happening in the show. “I think I have some work clothes hung up in there.”

Once the drama had ended, Yifan stood up to wander over to the kitchen and returned with two beers for them both. Yixing accepted his cans readily and began to drink out of one as reruns of a comedy show began to play. They didn’t say much at all, the only sounds leaving them were the odd laugh as the stale and overplayed jokes finally started to get to them. Yixing was almost dozing by the time he’d finished his second drink, the beers from the car and his tiring day causing his eyes droop sleepily.

It seemed that Yifan had taken a glance at him, as the next thing he knew, the television was being turned off and a hand threaded through the strands of his hair. “Come on, Xing. Time for you to go to sleep.”

Normally, Yixing would have protested and told Yifan to leave him alone, that he wasn’t a child who needed to be guided to bed, but exhaustion had him grappled. He stood up from the sofa, and felt Yifan usher him with small pushes until he fell face first into a bed. Yixing half expected Yifan to tuck him in but those movements never came. Instead, Yixing found himself crawling under the duvet and smelling the sweetly fresh scent of washing detergent.

“Night, Yixing,” Yifan called from down the short hallway and all Yixing could muster was a loud grunt before the lulls of sleep pulled him under.

 

///

 

Yixing awoke with Yifan calling his name loudly with rough shakes to his arm, completely different to how he’d usually do it. It made Yixing a few times, rolling over to face Yifan with squinted eyes. He had fallen asleep before he could close the curtains and the morning light was too much for his body to handle.

“What? Where’s the fire?” Yixing grumbled, swatting Yifan’s hand away as he tried to bury himself back into the pillow.

“Xing, it’s almost half past eight,” Yifan informed him. “You’re going to be really fucking late.”

Those words were all it took to make Yixing choke on nothing and scramble up from the bed. Yifan pulled the spare work outfit Yixing kept in Yifan and Zhongda’s apartment out of the wardrobe to toss it at Yixing, making his own thunderous way out of the room. Yixing heard the noises from the kitchen as he yanked on some underwear Yifan had thrown at him, to which he could assume that the other was making him breakfast as he fumbled to get his clothes on.

He ran into the bathroom and plucked one of the wrapped toothbrushes from the stand and used it to scrub his teeth down minty toothpaste before he finally made it out to Yifan. There was a thermos and napkin covered waffles sat on the side. Yifan was dressed in a sweatshirt and loose fitting jeans next to the door, his car keys dangling from his hand and he urged Yixing on with his head.

Passing the kitchen to grab the things Yifan had set out for him on the breakfast bar, Yixing made his way out of the apartment and into the elevator Yifan had called for them to take.

“The traffic is going to be hellish, but I think we’ll be able to make it,” Yifan commented as they got into the car. The engine was turned on instantly and Yifan was pulling out of the underground garage before Yixing had even had time to click his seat belt into place.

“As long as I am in for half nine, it won’t be too bad,” Yixing grumbled, putting the thermos to his lips and taking a long sip of the hot tea that was in it. “I have a meeting with a client then and I can make up for any other lost time by staying later tonight.”

“I’m sure we’ll make it by then, even in this morning traffic.”

“Why can’t I have your job?” Yixing groaned. “You only have to watch sports and read whatever you’re sent by a bunch of interns then present it on TV.”

“Well, we can’t all be basketball pundits, can we?”

Yixing rolled his eyes at his friend and looked out the window. The streets looked gridlocked and nobody was moving more than a few feet at a time. Yixing really hated rush hours in the morning. There was nothing worse than being stuck in a sea of cars when you were running on a tight schedule.

By the time Yifan had pulled up in front of Yixing’s building, it was well past nine and he dashed out of the car with a quick goodbye yelled over his shoulder. He had barely fifteen minutes to prepare for the talk with his latest clients and he flustered around his desk, looking for everything he needed. It was Tao that alerted him that there were people waiting for him in one of the private meeting spaces, and Yixing gulped down the rest of his tea before making it inside to get to work.

As he sat down at his desk after his meeting, Yixing was sure he’d forgotten something that he needed to do. And, as much as he told himself that it wasn’t important if he couldn’t remember it, that niggling feeling didn’t leave for the rest of the day.

 

///

 

“Fuck, Ge.” Yixing pulled Yifan’s hair, holding his head still between Yixing thighs.

Yifan’s cheeks hollowed out, his teeth grazed up Yixing’s cock, leaving Yixing with nothing much more to do than throw his head back and moan out. His hips were rocking up into Yifan’s mouth almost subconsciously, and Yifan’s head didn’t stop moving as he sucked Yixing in between his lips. Yixing was so close to orgasming that his fingers and thighs trembled. His cries had fallen into silence, too.

When he did hit his climax, his body turned itself limp and one of his thighs fell from its perch on Yifan’s shoulder. Yifan pulled back, licking his lips and shifting Yixing’s other leg back onto the floor, and pulled Yixing’s sweatpants back up his legs.

Still heavy with the pleasure of his orgasm, Yixing looked at Yifan through lidded eyes and shuffled himself across the sofa. “I want you.”

“I thought you didn’t call me over for sex,” Yifan laughed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I didn’t.” Yixing licked his lips, “But now, I wanna finger you, Ge.”

Drawing his wrist out of his sleeve, Yifan checked the time on his watch. He looked at it for a moment. Then, Yifan stood up and walked into Yixing’s bedroom, returning a few seconds later with lube that he tossed to Yixing whilst unbuckling his belt. “You’ll have to be quick, we’re meeting the others in half an hour and you still need to get properly dressed.”

Yixing popped the cap and made the fingers of his right hand slick with the lubricant. He was absent minded as he hummed, “Means I can get to fuck you faster later.”

Yifan placed his knees either side of Yixing’s thighs on the sofa and pulls his jeans down until they sit across Yixing’s sweatpants. Yixing’s right arm circles around Yifan’s hips as Yifan places his hands on Yixing’s shoulders.

“I can’t stay over tonight,” Yifan reminded him. “I’m going for a run with Minxi in the morning.”

“What a shame,” Yixing said, still panting, his first finger entering Yifan, “wanted to fuck you hard.”

Yifan’s breathing stayed even as Yixing’s index finger circles inside him. “I’ll come over tomorrow, after the run.”

“Thanks,” Yixing smiled, pushing a second finger into Yifan, making him moan.

“What are friends for?” Yifan joked, leaning down to join his lips to Yixing’s.

 

///

 

“I’m really sorry, Tao,” Yixing muttered into the phone as he rested his head against the toilet seat lid, “you’re going to have to cover my meetings today, again. I’ve still got that virus.”

There was a sigh Yixing can hear through the speaker of his phone, “Ge, that’s the fourth or fifth time in two weeks you’ve called in like this. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m perfectly fine when I’m not feeling nauseous or actually throwing up,” Yixing told the younger, rubbing his temple with the hand that wasn’t holding his phone. “I think I’ll make an appointment with the doctor for some time later this week. I can’t keep missing meetings like this, I’ll lose clients and design time.”

“Don’t think about work, think about getting your health back on track,” Tao scolded mildly. “It’s not normal to be sick like this, so please make sure that you get that appointment. I’ll call one of the other guys to see if they’re free to check up on you at some point later. You get back into bed and sleep this bout off, okay? I’ll handle everything here.”

“Thanks, Tao. I really owe you for this.”

“Anytime, Ge. Now crawl from your bathroom floor and back onto your mattress. And unlock your door, I’m sending reinforcements, okay?”

The two of them made quick work of their goodbyes and Yixing did exactly what he was advised. His bed was like a sanctuary for him on the days when the queasy stomach and dizzy spells struck, he could nestle down between the sheets and try to sleep through everything. The times when the need to vomit came varied through the day and he had spent more time off work due to sickness than he ever had before.

It felt like some sort of joke that as soon as he had finally settled into his job as a lead designer that he’d suddenly be overcome with whatever he’d managed to contract. He would have laughed at the thought, had his mouth not tasted like menthol mouthwash and vomit mixed together.

Yixing willed himself to sleep and was sure he was half lucid when two people appeared in his bedroom, he heard them speaking and felt fingers touching his head. He was sweating a little but he knew his temperature wasn’t that much higher than what it normally was. There was a little more time before he was shaken awake and given a glass of water.

“We heard you weren’t feeling too good,” Han’s voice could be heard speaking gently as Yixing roused from his sleep. “Zhongda called the doctor and booked you an appointment when we first got here.”

“When is it?” Yixing grumbled, wiping his sleepy eyes with the back of his fingers. “I want to shower before I go.”

“I thought you would,” Han stroked his fingers through Yixing’s slightly grease matted hair. “That’s why I woke you up now, we’ll be leaving in twenty minutes.”

“Thanks, Ge.” Yixing threw Han a feeble smile as he took a sip of the drink he’d been given. He was famished, his mouth was dry and his body readily accepted the cold water he was sipping on. “I really don’t know what could be up with me, sometimes I feel sick as a dog and others, I’m completely fine.”

“Yeah, that is kind of worrying,” Lu Han agreed, rubbing Yixing’s shoulder as he sat himself fully up and put the glass on his bedside table. “But, we’re here to take care of you now.”

“Hey, Ge,” Zhongda called in from outside Yixing’s bedroom before coming in with a small bowl of something. “I made you some congee, I thought it would be something good for you to eat if your stomach has been acting up like Tao said.”

Yixing took the bowl readily, using the spoon that was in the dish to scoop up as much as he could and shove it into his mouth. He followed that up with a succession of spoonfuls until he felt his stomach halt in its hungered cramping, he prayed that the food would not come back up. He didn’t want to lose yet another meal to his sickness.

“Right, get yourself a shower and we’ll wait in the lounge until you’re ready to leave,” Zhongda rubbed Yixing’s leg through his duvet and Han smiled at him sympathetically.

Yixing’s two friends stood upright and left the room quietly, leaving him to roll out of the safe haven that was his bed and stumble into the bathroom to wash himself in the shower. His mother had always told him that he’d feel a little better after having a shower whenever he was sick as a child, and he couldn’t deny that he did feel more refreshed as he made his way back out into his bedroom. The pinch of nausea between his eyes was still there, making everything he smelt much harsher. Even his deodorant had an edge to it that made his stomach roll.

Knowing that he would not have to put his work clothes on, he bypassed the shirt and trousers he’d placed on his dresser before that morning’s vomiting bout began and went straight to his wardrobe. Yixing picked out the first t-shirt and loose fitting jeans he could get his hands on.

Not bothering to do much with his hair, Yixing dragged himself out to see his friends and the two of them instantly sprung into action. Han had managed to get a large plastic bowl and a water bottle whilst Zhongda was at the door, his car keys in his hand. Yixing smiled appreciatively at them as he slipped his arms into the zip-up hoodie he kept on a hook in the hallway. The warmth from the material helped to soothe some of the post-vomiting fatigue that had suddenly hit him full force. Whilst he couldn’t deny that he did feel more stable, he was exhausted.

Yixing could only hope that the food Zhongda had brought him would begin to replenish his wilting energy.

“Let’s get you to the doctor,” Lu Han’s expression was soft as he spoke while approaching Yixing, he looped their arms together and ushered Yixing out of the flat.

It was from there that Zhongda took the lead, taking them down the stairs and to where his car had been parked up. Yixing placed himself in the back, as did Han, and he curled into his friend’s shoulder to close his eyes for the short journey. He didn’t sleep, he could feel Han’s fingers running soothingly in his hair and Zhongda’s soft humming over the sound of a song Yixing didn’t know the name of. They were quiet. They were worried. Yixing couldn’t blame them for it either; he was a growing concerned for himself.

When they were sat in the doctor’s surgery, Han flicked through a magazine and Zhongda tapped away on his phone. Yixing stared idly up at a light that was buzzing. He assumed the bulb would need changing soon. Lights that made noise were always nearing their end and Yixing could only think about what sound it would make when it finally went. Would it echo a satisfying pop? Would it fizzle away slowly until it silently dimmed to darkness? Or would there be no noise at all, would it just turn off and never turn back on?

Hearing his name over a crackling tannoy system was the only thing that snapped his attention from the ceiling. Han and Zhongda both patted Yixing’s back as he stood upright to make his way down to the room he’d been told by the voice through the speakers to go to.

When he sat opposite the doctor, he gave a closed-mouth smile before they went into the usual questions.

How are you feeling? _Fine, well, not_ fine _, otherwise I wouldn’t be here._

Do you have any chronic or long standing illnesses? _I’m a haemophiliac, but I don’t think it has anything to do with that. Normally I’m just exhausted, not physically sick._

So, what are your current symptoms? _Nausea, vomiting, spells of dizziness, tiredness._

When did the symptoms first appear? _Two weeks ago, maybe nearer three? I’m not entirely sure._

And has it been everyday since then? _No, sometimes I feel completely fine, like I was never sick at all_.

She questioned whether or not Yixing had been exerting himself, whether he’d had any slow healing cuts that had become infected or if he’d come into contact with anybody with similar symptoms. All he could answer were a simple string of _no’s_.

The doctor ran tests, she checked his blood pressure, his heart rate and reflexes. Finally, she carefully took a blood sample and Yixing used a cotton wool ball to put pressure on the little pin prick once she’d taken the syringe away. She stated that it was to test for infection and search for anything else that could be making him ill.

Once she was happy with everything she’d done for him, she wrote a few notes down on a slip of paper for Yixing to take away with him. It was a list, only five things, that Yixing could do to help with his apparently spontaneous bouts of sickness. It was outlined that he would receive a call to pen another appointment in a few days later, when his results would be available. He left with a final note from the doctor that he glanced at as he left. It was her instructions for him to eat things that would be gentle on his stomach, to take things easy and avoid stress until they knew the root of his problem.

Yixing left quickly, hoping to return back to his bed faster. His two friends buzzed around him they made their way out to where Zhongda’s car had been parked up.

“What did she say?” Han opened with. “Do we need to drop by the pharmacy before we head back to yours?”

Yixing shook his head quickly, “No, we can drive straight home. I had a few bloods taken, so I think it’s best if I don’t do anything too much today.”

“Wait,” Zhongda gasped, “is this actually our Zhang Yixing taking care of his health first?”

“Wow, you really are ill.”

Yixing snorted, climbing into the back of the car with Han following shortly behind him while they resumed how they had travelled to the doctors surgery.

“If I want to get back to work then resting is better now, there’s no point in burning myself out right now to have problems in the future.”

“That’s the Yixing we know,” Han nudged his shoulder and tousled his hair affectionately.

 

///

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” A voice aired behind Yixing, startling him away from his laptop. “Because that doesn't look like taking it easy to me.”

“Jesus, Yifan,” Yixing grabbed his _MacBook_ , drawing it in closer again. “Would it have hurt to knock on my door and not just waltz in like you live here?”

“You’re the one that gave me the key,” Yifan held the small silver object between his fingers and Yixing rolled his eyes when he recognised that it _was_ the key he’d given Yifan months before. “And, anyway, if I had announced myself, you would have made it look like you weren’t doing anything stupid. Like working on projects I know you’ve given to Tao.”

“I didn’t _give_ them to Tao, I relinquished some of the administrative elements to him. So, I still need to do the physical work, otherwise they aren’t my commissions.” Yixing moved around on his bed until his back rested against the headboard and Yifan walked forward to sit at his side.

“You’re looking after yourself, though, right?” Yifan worried. “You’ve been eating and sleeping well, haven’t you?”

“Of course,” Yixing nodded. “The others have been over since I went to the doctor a few days ago.”

“Sorry I didn’t come sooner,” Yifan drew Yixing into his chest, cuddling him close and running his fingers through Yixing’s hair. “Work has been killer with there being three games this week, I just got back from Shenzhen and I’m heading down to Yingkou on the weekend. I would have come by more, if it wasn’t like this.”

“It’s okay,” Yixing leant his weight into Yifan and found himself relishing in the warmth he found there. “I watched all the games, you were good.”

“You say that like you expected me to be terrible.”

Yixing could picture the petulant frown on Yifan’s mouth and he couldn’t stop his own smile from forming.

“Being friends with you has taught me to always set my expectations low to avoid disappointment.” Yixing felt Yifan pinch at his arm, making him yelp out before his voice smoothed over with laughter. “Don’t worry, you’re the best basketball TV pundit I know.”

“I’m the _only_ one you know.”

“Exactly,” Yixing closed his eyes and turned until his front was pressed to Yifan’s side.

“It’s a good job you’re sick,” Yifan grumbled.

“Was that a threat, Ge?” Yixing looked up at Yifan with his mouth pulled into a smirk.

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” Yifan replied smartly and rested his arm around Yixing’s shoulders, keeping him in place.

“When are you going to Yingkou?” Yixing stayed still as Yifan readjusted his seating position. “When’s the game?”

“My flight is tomorrow evening, and I’ll be getting a flight back late Saturday morning.” Yifan looked at his watch, as if that would remind him. “I won’t be there long.”

Silence settled over them and Yixing had his eyes closed when Yifan spoke again. “I heard you needed a second appointment with the doctor? Zhongda said things were okay, but I’d rather hear it from you.”

“I’m doing better today; it comes and goes in bouts. I’m just tired of being sick at this stage. So, my next appointment is me getting some test results and maybe some medication.”

“When are you going to the doctor? Do you want me to go with you?”

“It’s on Friday, so I guess you’ll be gone by then.” Yixing shrugged. “It’s probably nothing to worry about.”

“You sure? I could change my flight?” Yifan pulled away from Yixing and nudged at his shoulders until Yixing was laid back on the bed. Yifan remained seated but put Yixing’s laptop and drawing pad onto the bedside table. “I can work something out, if you need me to.”

Yixing smiled and turned onto his side, looking at his friend with a gentle smile. “I won’t need you to do that, I’m a big boy. I don’t need a chaperone.”

“I didn’t want you to feel alone, that’s all,” Yifan moved until he was kneeling on Yixing’s bed and looked at his watch. “I should get going, it’s almost eleven already. Which means, you should be getting some sleep.”

“You’re not staying over?” Yixing tilted his head to the side.

“And stay on your cramped sofa? No, thanks.” Yifan’s nose scrunched itself up. “I need to get up and write that guest column for that American magazine, too.”

“But, I thought we could have sex, or something?”

“Xing,” Yifan regarded him flatly, “you cannot be serious. Neither of us are fucking each other when you’re sick like this.”

“I feel fine now, though.”

“You’re my best friend, your health comes before sex,” Yifan crawled a little towards Yixing and leant forward. “Now, you go to sleep and I’ll bring lunch over after I’ve written my article tomorrow.”

Yixing sighed and watched as Yifan pulled back a corner of his duvet, he shuffled until he was under the quilt and Yifan made a show of pretending to tuck him in like a child. Of everybody who had come over to visit Yixing, Yifan made him feel the least smothered. Yifan was never overbearing, and Yixing could only say the same for Minxi, too.

“And, Ge,” Yixing mumbled, trying to get himself settled to be able to sleep as Yifan crouched down until they were at eye level, “please don’t worry about me getting lonely. I might live here alone but I do have you guys around me all the time.”

“I know.” Yifan’s fingers found their way into Yixing’s hair and he ran them through it a few times before withdrawing. “It doesn’t mean I won’t worry. You know you can always move in with me and Da, like we’ve offered before?”

“Goodnight, Ge,” Yixing closed his eyes and he heard Yifan laugh gently before he moved away from the bed.

Yixing sighed out as the front door to his apartment shut and clicked with the sound of a key sliding the lock across. With a deep intake of breath, Yixing managed to draw in the soapy scent that lingered around Yifan mixed with the smell of his own detergent. It didn’t make Yixing’s head spin or his stomach twist. In fact, it helped Yixing relax into his mattress.

 

///

 

The doctor let Yixing sit on the examination bed, rather than the chair opposite her desk. She had a serene smile on her face, one Yixing knew was supposed to calm him. It only made his heart beat more as he feared what was to come. The doctor pulled a document off of her table that showed a chart, as well as a few other slips of paper.

“So, Mr Zhang,” her smile widened as she spoke, “the great news is that you’re not sick with any kind of virus or infection.”

Yixing’s body unfurled from where it had been tensed, letting him loosen up until he could look at the doctor without too much fear. “Does that mean that this isn’t some kind of fluke?”

“Not exactly,” she pulled a chair around to look at Yixing and to, obviously, lessen the tension that hovered over them. “From your results, I can tell you that you’re pregnant and that you’re around six weeks along.”

Once the words had left her mouth, Yixing couldn’t breathe. White noise rung in his ears and he knew that the doctor was waiting for him to zone back into the room. Yixing sat upright and turned to look at her as quickly as he could. “I’m what?”

“You’re pregnant,” she was calm as she spoke. “It appears that your period of morning sickness happened a couple weeks earlier than the average timeframe. But, for us, with your haemophilia, this is a pretty lucky thing.”

“What do you mean?” Yixing knew he would have been pale, his fingers trembled as the dug his nails into the pleather beneath his hands.

“From your reaction, I am assuming that this isn’t planned, is that right?” Yixing nodded. “Okay, pregnancies with your condition can be a little tricky and, if you were to continue on with this, I would advise you to undertake factor replacement therapy. As not undergoing this treatment could possibly lead to early miscarriage. I can see that you’ve only been through that process a few times before, but with concentrates that could be potentially harmful during pregnancy.”

Yixing blinked a few times over, only clenching tighter at the the bed he was sat on.

“If you wish to continue on with this process, I can put you in touch with a haematologist and they can advise you more on what to do with your condition.”

“Okay,” Yixing nodded, slowly and unsteadily.

“Remember, your health comes first,” the doctor reassured him. “Like I said last time, you need to take things easy and, if you don’t have a solid support network with this, I can put you into contact with some groups who can help guide you through your pregnancy.”

“I don’t know how this happened,” Yixing muttered to himself before laughing out humourlessly. “Well, I know _how_ it happened but no, this wasn’t _supposed_ to happen.”

“This kind of thing can happen without planning but there’s nothing to worry about with that, you’ve got options. Lots of them. And, I’ve written all the details down for you, as I know that the shock of this news can really blindside you, so you can check them over.”

“Thank you,” Yixing threw her a small smile and she patted his knee.

“Even if you don’t know what you’re going to do, I’ll send out your referral to a specialist and an obstetrician. Of course, this is all your decision, but I advise talking things through with them. They’ll have more knowledge on the routes you can take, no matter what you choose.”

They didn’t talk much more, Yixing was given a cup of cold water that he sipped on as he reclined on the examination bed. All he could do was panic and try to calm himself down. He really could not believe any of it, his head felt like it was going to explode with questions and fears. The main ones focused on Yifan and his reaction.

Yixing had no idea how things would unfold. He didn’t have anything serious with Yifan. They weren’t in any kind of serious relationship where raising a child was feasibly stable. They’d started up their foray into physical intimacy as an outlet. Neither of them liked the idea of one night stands nor did they have any viable relationship ties. Before they knew it, the sex and the extras that went along with it had just become another part of their dynamic. There was nothing forced and Yixing didn’t have to bear with making himself uncomfortable new people. It had always been convenient.

But then there was a potential baby, for Yixing, for either of them. And all Yixing could do was worry and try to hold everything in.

When he told the doctor that he wanted to leave, she was nothing but sceptical and Yixing knew his thinly veiled assurances that he was okay didn’t convince her, but he wanted to be at home. She let him go, his hands trembling around the paperwork she’d prepared for him and he sat in his car for a long while.

He drove slowly through the streets, back to his apartment and locked himself in. He took a glance around at the tiny two-room-one-bathroom space and instantly crumbled.

Yixing cried silently at first, taking off his jacket and shoes until he reached the sofa. The sobs came soon after that, he couldn’t help himself as everything he was frightened of came at him fullforce. There was a reality in everything he did and he couldn’t help but be terrified by everything he had been told and the things he could only anticipate to come.

He sat there, he let himself delve into his own insecurities as he thought of all the outcomes he could imagine. At some point, his tears had disappeared and were replaced only with sniffles and quivering hands that had crinkled up the papers he’d carried up from his car.

The sun had disappeared, making his living room-cum-kitchen-cum-dining area appear even emptier than it had been before. He wanted to curl into a ball and wish everything to stop.

Nothing felt like it could quite console him, he wanted to reach out for comfort but knew there wasn’t anything out there to soothe his pains. Yifan was hundreds of kilometres away, working. Yixing’s other friends would have questions he couldn’t answer. He had no idea what to tell his parents, too. All he could think of was their disappointment in him. He was only just stable at work, his flat was nowhere near the optimum place to raise a child, he didn’t have any idea how to look after a baby.

“What do I do?” He asked to nobody but himself, hating how cracked his voice sounded.

He looked down to his stomach and rubbed his hand over it. A part of his brain wondered if he could keep it all a secret, not have the baby and pretend that nothing had happened at all. He would need to call off his arrangement with Yifan. He wasn’t sure if he could ever let Yifan touch him knowing that he’d kept such a thing from him.

Yixing pried his phone out of his jeans and unlocked the screen, he tapped around idly as he made his way to Yifan’s contact in his list.

 

///

 

 _“Hi, Ge, it’s Xing,”_ Yixing’s voice was weak, shaking like his worst nightmare had materialised in front of him. _“Can you come home soon? I don’t know what to do, I just really need to see you. Could you do that for me? Could you come home as soon as you can? Please. I need you.”_

 

///

 

Sat on his bed, Yixing knew he would not be able to sleep. He’d had to force himself to eat dinner. He’d picked at rice and braised pork with his chopsticks, he had chewed it slowly in his mouth before swallowing it down, only for it to add to the growing feeling of sickness in his stomach. He’d retreated to his bedroom and tried to busy himself with work he’d missed. His fingers itched, his throat tightened and his eyes burned.

He’d caught himself crying a few times, only noticing that tears had begun to fall when they touched the bare skin of his wrists or landed on the trackpad of his _MacBook_. The fear was still there, a cool adrenaline under his skin and a dull ache around his heart. He’d called Yifan, he’d made that first reach of contact and there was no way he could take it back. Yixing knew he would have to explain things. His brain told him it was the right thing to have done, his body, however, was sensitive to everything.

It was impossible to tell how much time had passed when he was propped up against his headboard. Yixing had attempted sleep. Numerous times. None had come to him and his exhaustion was so raw within him that he’d whimpered into his pillow, calling out in frustration when his brain would not stop taunting him. The thoughts were never ending, the worries, the visions of Yixing feeling alone, the lack of warmth around him. And there was a recognition there; he was teetering on the edge of a panic attack.

His neighbours had gone to sleep and silence had fallen outside. The dull glow of the streetlights below bled in from around his curtains and he couldn’t stop staring at it. His lamps weren’t turned on, his phone was somewhere in the lounge and there was nothing else than that fluorescent orange haze coming in from his window. Having something to focus on, no matter how mundane, helped to stop the tears from forming in his eyes.

The sound of a key turning in his door startled him, making him lean forward on his bed and footsteps made him frown. A wave of overwhelming need for comfort hit him as a form silhouetted in the doorway of his bedroom, he moved to turn on his bedside light and as soon as he turned back to his best friend, his emotions crumbled. There, stood right there, was the man who he was terrified to face. But, more than that, the man he was far more frightened of moving forward without.

"Ge," Yixing sobbed and Yifan dropped everything in his hands instantly.

Collected up in Yifan's arms, Yixing was held to a body larger than his own and his chest loosened until the only thing he could feel was the soothing warmth of another person. Yixing wrapped his arms around his best friend and the floodgates opened, his weeping stuttered and hiccupped into Yifan's neck. The hands securely around his waist tightened, they gripped at him as if to ground him to the earth and Yixing pressed his ear closely to Yifan's chest, searching for a heartbeat.

Yifan loosened up, pushing him away slightly to look down at him, cupping his jaw with an expression of, what Yixing could only label as, heartbreak on his tired face.

"What's wrong?" Yifan whispered, his tone vulnerable and gently probing. "What's happened, Xing?"

Yixing opened his mouth to speak, only nothing came out. His words jammed up in his throat and all that unleashed were whimpers and sobs, he felt so weak. So exhausted. Yixing's lips didn't stop moving, broken silence could not stop flowing around stuttered breaths and Yifan's thumbs wiped at the tear tracks on Yixing's cheeks.

"It's okay," Yifan soothed. "Don't try to force yourself."

Yifan released Yixing completely, stepping back to remove his shirt and jeans until he was in only his boxers. Yixing held his arms up, feeling like a child, and Yifan stepped into his grasp. Yifan was the one who shuffled them backwards, leaving them laid out on the mattress and Yixing rested his head directly over Yifan's chest. He tapped out the rhythm on Yifan's chest with his eyes closed. It was the safest and most secure he'd felt in a while, even before the news of his pregnancy.

"You don't have to tell me anything tonight," Yifan murmured into Yixing's hair, causing him to shiver under the hot breath and nod his head. "But, I am here for you. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'll always be here."

And Yixing knew Yifan was telling the truth. Under the light coming from his bedside cabinet, Yixing looked at Yifan's watch and saw how it was closer to sunrise than he'd expected. Yifan had come from wherever he was in Yingkou, right to Yixing's side, all because he'd asked him to.

"For as long as you need me, I'll stay by your side."

Yixing nodded, it was all he could do because he knew it to be true. No matter what happened, he was sure Yifan would not leave him behind, it wasn't even a thought Yixing could entertain.

Hands and fingers rubbed in circles where they rested on Yixing's body, helping is breathing to deepen and eyes to remain weighed shut. It was restless and dreamless, yet still, Yixing found himself tipping over into sleep knowing that Yifan was right beside him. He couldn't feel alone, not when he had somebody surrounding him with their caring support and affection.

 

///

 

"So, d’you want to talk about it?" Yifan asked as they sat with their breakfast dumplings on Yixing's sofa. Despite the fact it was two in the afternoon. They'd been quiet all morning previously, hovering around until they were constantly reminded of each other's presence in the tiny apartment.

There had been soundless assurances of Yifan's bolstering attitude; a gentle brush of hands, a soft rub on Yixing's lower back and a thumb circling on Yixing's ankle as he curled up against Yifan on the sofa. It wasn't as if Yixing didn't know he would have to tell Yifan and he was certain that it would have to be sooner than later.

Yixing cleared his throat, sitting up straighter, "I have something I need to discuss with you."

"Oh?" Yifan's head tilted to the side. "What's that?"

Yixing rose up from his seat and he found the papers that he'd folded up and tucked under his phone in advance of eating his dinner the night before. He opened them up and sat down beside Yifan once more, straightening the doctor's notes out on his knees before looking up again.

"I don't want to avoid the subject anymore, especially since you came all the way back from Yingkou in the middle of the night because of some pathetic voicemail I left you."

"It wasn't pathetic," Yifan frowned. "You needed me, so I came."

"But still, I need to tell you this because it's important for you to know." Yixing sucked in a breath, his hands instantly cloying with sweat. "I'm pregnant." He finally let out, the grasp on his heart tightening up. And he couldn't stop himself from adding the afterthought, "With your baby."

Yixing had expected Yifan to go pale, for his body to seize up and for fear to etch itself into his countenance. Like it had Yixing's.

Yet, surprisingly, Yifan’s reaction was a half minute of silence preceding collecting Yixing up in his arms. A single kiss on Yixing’s hair was bracketed by trembling hands stroking Yixing’s side in what was supposed to be a comforting act. It was subtly clear to Yixing that Yifan was trying to process everything without freaking out, without exclaiming and without any kind of instant recoil. It soothed Yixing’s heart, in many ways, but left him with bated breath. Actions and words were equally weighted in their scenario, he needed to know exactly what was in Yifan’s mind and not, what could have been, friendly or instinctual comfort.

"And, everything's okay with you? With your haemophilia?"

"Oh, yeah," Yixing mumbled, handing over the papers to Yifan. "Everything is written there."

Yixing expected awkwardness and echoes of shock but there was nothing. Yifan was, Yixing assumed, in a masked sense, just as terrified as him. Something told Yixing that Yifan was shielding him from his true emotions, that he didn't want to freak Yixing out by saying or doing something stupid.

Still, the seriousness of Yifan's expression as he flicked through the leaflets and printouts was endearing. That didn't mean that Yixing couldn't stop twitching his fingers nervously, his foot jolting in tandem to the way his thumb and forefinger tapped together. Those few minutes were the worst wait of them all, Yixing had laid the most part of his cards out on the table and he wasn't sure what response he'd have at the end of it all.

It took a few more seconds, but Yifan looked at him and placed everything onto the floor.

"So, the next move is to see the specialists to talk everything through?" Yifan's voice cracked, making Yixing lean forward to catch more emotion.

"Yeah, that's the plan," Yixing coughed, sitting up from Yifan that little bit more.

There was more silence between them, it was awkward that time around. Though, Yixing was sure that it was from his end of the interaction because there were more things at the tip of his tongue and he wanted nothing more than to bite them back. However, he knew it would be cruel to.

"Just so you know," Yixing inhaled, hoping he didn’t stutter over his words, "I'm not sure if I want to keep it."

There was a crack in Yifan’s outer shell as he ran his hands down his face, fingers shaking and breath unsteady. Yixing knew he wasn’t supposed to see it, he knew that Yifan wanted to hold things together for Yixing, but he was looking for it. Yifan clasped his hands together, knuckles going slightly white as he clenched them, attempting to hide the signs of his shock.

Yifan laughed, somewhat nervously, "I know you, Xing. You always look over every aspect before coming to a final decision and this is a very big thing for you. I know you’ll do the right thing for you."

"And, what about for you?" Yixing bit his lip.

Yifan's hands held his, covering them and halting their fidgeting. "Of course it's massive for me, too. But, I want you to know that I'm supporting whatever you do because you're what's important to me right now. You are the one I'm concerned with and we can take things step by step until you're sure with what you want to do with your body. Whatever you decide, we can move forward from there."

Yixing's bottom lip trembled, he didn't want to cry but resisting the urge to wrap his arms around Yifan was too much. He drew himself closer to the other and nodded his head over and over.

"I know we said we'd be safe with this kind of thing when we started getting physical," Yifan whispered, "and I'm sorry for making you as scared as you are. Just know that I'm here for you, I'll be behind you because this is on me. If that means holding your hand through a termination or a birth, I'll do it. You're my best friend and nothing will change that, not sex and not a baby. So don't worry about being alone in this, you've got me here for you whenever you call."

“This is all just,” Yixing sucked air into his lungs until it was painful before releasing it, “so overwhelming. I’d never considered that this could happen, especially right now. It’s hard to wrap my head around it, I think I’m still in shock.”

“I’d be surprised if you weren’t,” Yifan laughed into Yixing’s hair. “I’ll take some time off work and go to those appointments with you. Even if you want me to stay out in the waiting room, I want to be there with you. I know I say that I worry about you getting lonely a lot, but last night was the first time I heard you sound like you were completely alone with something. I want to stay by your side with this.”

“I’m sorry,” Yixing whispered. “I— _we—_ should have been more careful.”

“What’s happened was a two-way thing, neither of us meant for this and I’m so glad that you told me. I know you would have contemplated doing this alone and you have no idea how much it means to me, to have had you call for me as quickly as you did. You must have been terrified.”

“You’re here now, though,” Yixing muttered into Yifan’s neck, letting his forehead rest there. “I’m so relieved that you’re here."

Yixing couldn't deny it to himself, or Yifan, that his the strain of his burden had lessened in sharing it. He didn't feel so isolated, there was no longer a hollowness to his heartbeat that had allowed his fears to echo around. Instead, only the solidity of support remained. He could appreciate the closeness from Yifan, the touch of his hands through his shirt as they skimmed up his ribs and the warm breath on the crown of his head.

"What will we tell the others?" Yixing whispered, one of his hands toying with the fabric of Yifan's shirt. "I don't know what they'll think."

"Nothing yet." Yifan hummed after a few minutes of quiet. "Let's figure out what we are going to do after you've seen the doctors and we've evaluated things, then things will be surer. There's no point in causing a scene if one isn't needed."

"Would we keep this between us if the best option isn't to keep the baby?"

"Don't worry about that," Yifan lifted Yixing off his chest and used his forefinger and thumb to lift Yixing's chin. "I think we can come to terms with those decisions if, and when, they need to be made. There's no point in growing anxious or stressed over these things if they might not happen, just wait until everything is laid out on the table."

Yixing stared at Yifan for a while, soaking in the sincerity behind his eyes before nodding, conceding to what was said. "You're right. It's just so daunting, I can't stop my brain from jumping from thought to thought."

"Me too," Yifan chuckled, "but that's okay, it's probably a normal reaction. Especially given that we aren't, you know, the kind of dynamic that usually has to consider this kind of thing."

"That's what worries me the most," Yixing admitted, letting his eyes fall down to stare at a small fleck of lint on Yifan's stomach. "The guys, they're not going to take all of this very well. The ease of this was that it wasn't supposed to mean anything, it was just an add-on to our friendship. Now people will have to know and they'll know we fucked up because there's the possibility of a child, a whole other life."

"Xing, don't worry about that kind of thing. Our friends can be pretty shitty but they wouldn't desert you, or us, because of this. They'll disapprove, that's for sure, and we kept this whole friends-with-benefits thing under wraps because of that. But they'll help. You know them. And they know you."

Yixing's head bobs as he listens, taking in what came out of Yifan's mouth with the knowledge that Yifan was indeed correct. Their friends would react first and come to more level final conclusions later, it's what they always did. It was just difficult for Yixing to imagine because there had never been something quite as life changing for their group as having a baby would be.

"You've got me," Yifan whispered, keeping his eyes focused in on Yixing's, his mouth in a serious frown. "No matter what, Yixing, you have me."

Yixing's heart pulsed sharply at the intensity, making him smile until Yifan couldn't help but mirror the expression with his teeth and gums on complete display.

Under all the rawly nerved panic and fear, Yixing knew things would be okay if Yifan stayed by him, smiling and speaking with such confidence.


	2. Two.

"And are you here alone today?"

The room Yixing was sat in was loaded with medical figurines and models of male and female wombs, posters about making sure to have flu vaccinations in the winter and how to stay cool in the summer. It wasn't a doctor's office like Yixing's GP. It was more relaxed, a verbal consultation room rather than one for a physical examination.

Five chairs circled around an oblong coffee table, Yixing had a glass of water and so did the two doctors in front of him. They both had notepads on plastic folders in their laps, pens poised as they looked at Yixing intently.

"I wasn't supposed to be," Yixing grimaced. "I don't know where he is but I was expecting him to be here."

"Are we okay to start alone? Or, do you want to wait or reschedule?" One of the two doctors asked, leaning forward, smiling. "We can do either."

"I think we can start," Yixing knew the feeble closed-mouth smile he threw back was nothing but nervous. "I don't mind doing this alone."

The doctor opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door that had them all turning towards the noise. The person on the other side was hollered in and the door clicked open. It was the receptionist, her face pulled into a pleasant expression.

"I have a Mr Wu here who says he's with Mr Zhang," the woman voiced politely and Yixing instantly perked up.

"Yes, he's with me. Can he come in?"

"Of course," the other doctor gestured towards himself as if to usher Yifan into the room.

Yifan's expression was guilty, his cheeks pink and air heaving in and out of his chest. Yixing took in Yifan's crumpled shirt and black slacks, he knew the other had rushed straight over from the television centre and Yixing's mouth instinctively grew into a wider grin.

"Sorry, I'm late," Yifan grimaced. "Work and traffic held me up."

"Welcome, Mr Wu," the man welcomed. "I am Dr Jin, an obstetrician, and this is Dr Pu, a haematologist. We were just discussing how we have both taken on Yixing's case and are prepared to work with him until he has all the information he needs to know all of the options that he has."

Yifan's eyes flicked over to Yixing as he approached to sit in the chair, his fingers stroked gently down Yixing's upper arm before taking his seat. The atmosphere wasn't heavy, the doctors both had friendly faces, inviting them into the situation.

"Are we ready to start?" Dr Jin clapped his hands together when both Yifan and Yixing nodded their heads. "Fantastic."

There was no pause in time before the appointment began, Yifan seated next to Yixing as they both looked between the two doctors.

"Now, as I am sure you're aware, Yixing, you are going to be asked to do some factor replacement therapy and we highly recommend this for the first three months," Dr Pu opened. "It's been proven to lower the chances of any excess bleeds, spontaneous abortions and keep the blood that's going into the baby healthy."

"This course will likely be lowered, or stopped completely, after the three month point, as your body will naturally start producing clotting proteins in order to support carrying a baby." Dr Jin continued, his expression turning serious as he began to show Yixing pieces of paper with data levels on them. "You may think that you're more prone to bleeding during pregnancy, but this is incorrect because of how your body is trying to balance out your condition. You may even find that you bleed less than the average, which is totally normal."

Dr Pu shuffled his chair around, bumping his legs against the coffee table. "The main issues with blood happen at childbirth, you will need to be given more _FRT_ in order to keep your counts up and ensure that you're fully comfortable through your delivery and recovery. You can see on this chart how, on average, the body deals with clotting factors in your blood. It fluctuates through the first trimester, without _FRT_ , and balances out during the second and third.

"But, these first three months are incredibly important because they are when most spontaneous abortions happen. Then on this chart, it shows a more grouped set of results for the whole pregnancy when somebody does the replacement treatments."

Yixing nodded along, taking in everything that was being said to him as the doctors moved back and forth with their information. His mind was whirring at a hundred kilometres an hour, which probably wasn't helped in any way by the fact the appointment began at four in the afternoon. He was tired and only growing wearier.

"And if I wasn't planning to keep the baby? What would be the plan for that?" Yixing picked at his fingers, not knowing how the doctors would respond to such a question.

"Well, you'd go ahead with a termination, like any normal person. And I would recommend coming in for a transfusion, just in case you feel any kind of discomfort because having an abortion can be a shock to the body." Dr Jin sounded supportive, his face calm and his head tilted to the side. "Remember that you don't _have_ to do this. We are here to help you with this journey, no matter whether you decide upon a termination or having the child. We are not here to tell you what you should do in regards to that."

"Oh, okay," Yixing sat back in his chair a little more.

"And what are the chances of Yixing needing anything different as the pregnancy progresses through time?" Yifan's question had both of the doctors turning their heads to look at him, instead of Yixing.

"We're here to monitor everything with frequent check ups. We may need to run blood tests every so often to ensure that things to move smoothly along and keep everything safe for Yixing."

"But, it really is the first few months and the last stages where most issues are met with patients in this situation," Dr Jin in

"And we want you to know that your health will be coming first to us, we will keep you well informed about what's going on inside your body and help to guide you through whichever routes you take."

"There's also a health visitor who will help us with everything that will happen postpartum."

"Is there anything I should anticipate to feel at this point?"

"You will feel incredibly tired for a few months, so just take things easily and as slowly as you possibly can. Having a great support network is beneficial, as stress can alter how the body handles these things."

"And the chances of the baby having haemophilia?"

"With cases like yours, the chances are fifty-fifty if you have a boy and they're lower if you have a girl. Your child isn't guaranteed to have your disorder, nor would it be terrible if your child did carry the gene. You're probably clued in with what you should and shouldn't do when it comes to haemophilia, it's not impossible to live with."

"We'd just have to be careful," Yixing added on by himself, his fingers weaving together on his lap. "And what about bleeding at birth, for the baby? What would that be like?"

"The child would no more likely to have any bleeding before, during or after delivery because of how strong a baby's blood is in the first few days." Dr Jin brought out some new documentation. "There are many ways on how to test, prenatally, for haemophilia and some are more invasive than others."

"And when can these be done?"

"They both can happen at different stages, it all depends on what you're wanting."

Yixing handed over the pieces of paper over to Yifan for him to flick through and Yixing knew the doctors were watching him, and them, and how the two of them interacted.

"Is there anything those around Yixing can do?" Yifan's question was brought out with a slight lift of his head from where he was reading.

"Of course," the doctors had leaflets that were placed on the small table between them. "We just recommend nothing too exerting or that would cause any unnecessary bruising."

"Having somebody there when Yixing goes through his course of therapy is also a really great idea. Sometimes the process can be exhausting and a little baneful because it's done through transfusions. But, we would need to see how Yixing responds to the first treatment to gauge how much he will need through these three months."

The doctors began to throw information at them, backing it up with written work and showing them graphs of how things in Yixing's body would change. They took their time explaining things either Yixing or Yifan didn't fully understand. They wanted everything to be laid out and Yixing's brain began to feel overloaded with each new fact. Yifan, however, remained alert when Yixing's eyes flickered with tiredness.

It appeared that Dr Jin noticed and placed a firm hand on Dr Pu's shoulder. "I think we can call it a day now and book Yixing in for an appointment for his first scan in a few weeks. As well as, the first course of therapy."

"We aren't doing this to force your hand in keeping the baby, if that's not what you want," Dr Pu assured them. "It's just better to get these things firmly booked in, rather than having to rush the process once you've decided."

"Yeah, I get that," Yixing smiled, rubbing the side of his head idly. "I would rather have things in place than be underprepared."

"Give both of our offices a call and we can organise appointments of with you."

They all stood up, bowing their heads as they shook hands and Yifan was the one to lift up everything they had been handed by the doctors, he folded them under his arm and left the room. They exited the office entirely when Yifan hooked his unused arm over Yixing's shoulder.

"You took the subway, right?"

"Yeah, it was faster, given the traffic earlier." Yixing looked to cross the street, down towards the closest underground station. "It seemed like chaos."

Yifan's arm that was on Yixing's shoulder tugged him back away from the road. "Okay, I'll drop you home."

"You don't have to, I can get the subway back," Yixing ran a hand through his hair.

"But you're tired," Yifan pointed out. "I'd rather drop you back home then you can get something to eat and rest up faster, the roads won't be anywhere near as busy now. And, I'm sorry for being late. There was an issue with one of the broadcasting interviews and they didn't let us go until it was done."

"It's okay, what matters is that you were there for the most of it," Yixing reassured him, seeing Yifan's car where it was parked out on the street.

"And has it made anything clearer for you?" Yifan asked, peering down at Yixing and Yixing cut his pace down considerably.

"I don't know. They seem to have everything figured out, you know?" Yixing shrugged his shoulders and took the paperwork out of Yifan's back pocket, curling it up in his hands. "It's less daunting knowing that they go through this kind of scenario often enough to be that comfortable with one another. It doesn't make me want to not continue, but it doesn't make me want to continue, either."

"I understand you," Yifan nodded. "Maybe make the appointments and see how things go, you've still got time to make sure you're happy with where you take everything."

It was in the car after Yifan had pulled up in front of Yixing's apartment block when Yixing turned to Yifan, "And, what about you? What do you want? Please don't say you just say you'll go along with whatever I do, I want to know what you want from all of this. This involves you, too."

"I know," Yifan rubbed his face. "I just have no idea what I think yet."

"Okay," Yixing mumbled, putting his hand on the door handle. "I'll message you later."

"Yeah, make sure you rest up and get something to eat."

Yixing got out of the car, made his way into his building and entered his apartment with a long sigh. He felt the paper put the papers onto his coffee table, along with the others his GP had given him when he'd visited her. He crumpled down on the sofa, closing his eyes to get comfortable. Yixing had managed to reach a point where he wasn't entirely sure where his brain couldn't think anymore, nothing was processing and it only served to make him exhausted.

"Why's this all so hard?" He mumbled aloud, frowning.

 

///

 

Yixing's desk at work was full of invoices for his clients and project plans, his drawing tablet was hidden beneath it all as he tried to sign everything he had needed to. Taking time away from work had been a hindrance to him, his day was full of meetings that he couldn't make during his sick leave and that left barely any time for paperwork. It had all accumulated into a giant pile at his workstation, leaving him with no other option than to work overtime to make up for what he'd lost.

Nothing was aided by the fact that Yixing had been struck by constant sleepiness, he knew it was the pregnancy and it frustrated him. The time he needed to feel awake for longer work hours was when he felt like he'd not slept for three days.

Tao was helpful, bringing Yixing tea and small snacks as he worked through what was bulging out of his in-tray.

"Are you going to be here much longer?" Tao's voice called from his desk across the room, the telltale sounds of him shuffling to pack up reaching Yixing's ears.

"I want to get a good chunk of this stuff done before I have any more consultations with clients," Yixing responded, his pen skimming over a design document. "I'll probably be another hour or so."

A hand squeezed Yixing's shoulder, causing him to look up and around, "Don't work yourself too hard, you've only just come back from being ill."

"I won't, it's only some admin," Yixing lifted up the sheet he was searching through. "I don't think I could exert myself too much with this."

"Still, Ge. Remember to have some dinner and get home to have some sleep."

"Don't worry about me, Tao. I can look after myself and still work hard," Yixing argued with a laugh in his voice. "I'll be home before you even think to message me as a reminder."

"I'm only saying this because Yifan-ge told me to make sure that you don't stress out too much at work. He told me that the doctor expects you to rest more than usual."

"I was there when the doctor said that, I know what I need to do," Yixing looked back over his shoulder again. "I would be less tense if I got this work done than if I left it here to fester. This is far better than stretching everything out. I don't want to delay projects because I've been slow looking through the documents."

"Okay," Tao's smile warmed Yixing inside, his hand that came to run through Yixing's hair was a gesture of his affection. "You better go home tonight. If I find you asleep at your desk in the morning, I'll tell the others and I know they wouldn't be happy with that."

Yixing laughed, "I will definitely go back to my apartment and go to bed."

"Just making sure," Tao removed his hand from Yixing's hair. "Night, Ge. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you in the morning. Oh, and Tao, don't forget that master design for your project, it's looking really great."

"I won't forget, Ge," Tao called back to Yixing. "I won't forget it."

Yixing worked until his eyes began to sting and he pulled back from his seat to stretch upwards. Everybody else had left the office, allowing silence to surround Yixing and he knew it would be best to go home and throw himself into bed. He knew he could arrive earlier in the morning or work through his lunch break to catch up with the rest.

His stomach was crying out for food, too, making him look down and put his hand against it for the first time. Yixing wondered about whether he felt any different, whether his stomach had grown, whether he even looked any different. He had no idea which stage he would show at, though he was sure it varied from person to person. Sitting back in his chair, he wondered if he would feel different if there were visible signs that he was carrying what would develop into a baby. He couldn't determine anything at that point.

Had there been a bump, or limbs kicking out, would he have felt more of an emotional connection? Yixing didn't know. He wasn't sure if he was thinking such things because he wished to feel them. Or if it was just general curiosity that he couldn't sate.

Above all else, he wanted to know what Yifan wanted. They needed to talk things through and Yixing needed Yifan to be honest; he wanted Yifan to lay all of his cards out of on the table and let Yixing see into his mind.

Yixing knew Yifan was showing a different side of himself, it made Yixing feel considerably less alone. Yifan was messaging just to check in and make sure Yixing wasn't feeling any of the effects of morning sickness; Yifan was researching about pregnancy for haemophiliacs, and he always made time to call Yixing whenever Yixing went through a bout of panic.

A part of Yixing's heart ached thinking about Yifan, about how incredible he would be as a father and Yixing felt guilty. Yifan deserved to experience everything with somebody who loved him, somebody who wanted to have a family with only him. Yixing, to Yifan, was just a friend. The same vice versa. And yet, Yixing didn't know anybody else who would have been as supportive in the situation as Yifan.

Yixing shouldn't have been going through the motions of pregnancy with Yifan but, conversely, he could not imagine it happening with anybody but Yifan. He didn't know what to think. All he could see was that Yifan, out of everybody Yixing knew, would be the best other father to a baby.

But still, Yixing had no idea what Yifan wanted. Or, what the future would hold for them. He was tired, he just wanted to be sure of something, _anything_ , other than that whatever would happen would change things for him and Yifan.

 

///

 

Minxi stared at Yixing from across the table, analysing his features before tilting his head to the side and looking down that the cards he had in his hand. The six of them, all piled into Lu Han and Minxi's apartment, were sat playing Rum, a game Yixing had always adored. They'd bought take-out beforehand, leaving them with tubs of noodles and rice interspersed between them all, along with a few meat dishes.

Yixing was full and feeling competitive, he didn't want Minxi to beat him, as he knew that Minxi had the King Yixing needed to complete his set. He also had a suspicion that Minxi needed a four of diamonds to complete one of his sequences, which Yixing knew that Tao because he'd caught a glimpse of it when Tao had leant over to steal a chunk of noodles.

To Yixing's left was Yifan, he played hopelessly every time and was often left with a mismatched hand of cards, even at the end. Lu Han was no better, Zhongda and Tao often had something that resembled a set by the time Rummy had been called by Yixing or Minxi.

"I don't know about you guys but I am stuffed," Lu Han whistled out as he reached out to pick up some more beef with his chopsticks. "I swear we over-order every time."

"You eat the leftovers for breakfast," Minxi blinked at Han, "and don't say that you don't because I've seen you. You stand at the fridge stuffing noodles into your mouth when you think nobody else is awake."

"What I choose to do in my own apartment is my prerogative."

"I don't want to kiss somebody who eats take-out for breakfast," Minxi sighed, causing Lu Han to hit him playfully on the arm. "You say that like kissing you after you've had one of those sugary iced coffees is a nice experience."

"But you like coffee."

"And you like take-out."

"Guys, can you leave your little row for another time? It's Tao's turn to play."

"Oh come on, we all know he wants a three of spades," Minxi groaned, rolling his eyes. "Somebody just put him out of his misery if they have it."

"This isn't a game of Go Fish, Min," Yifan grumbled, plucking the card out of his hand and giving it to Tao.

"We've played four games of this all because Xing and Min can't let the other one be the winner," Zhongda laid his head down on the table, letting go of his hand and showing all of his cards. "I just wanted to have a movie night, who brought the cards out?"

Minxi muttered something in Korean, Zhongda gasped and snatched Minxi's cards out of his hands. Yixing looked on in amusement, it was always interesting to watch his friends squabble in their native language and listen to how Zhongda whined. It was Lu Han who broke them up, taking both sets of their cards and throwing them into the middle of the table.

"Let's stop playing," Tao mumbled, tossing his own hand into the pile that had formed between them all. "I'm tired."

Yixing and Yifan placed their cards down, meeting eyes and smiling at each other as the group left the table to head into the lounge. Yixing migrated to a corner section of the sofa, curling up into it and closing his eyes. Somebody sat at his side and pulled them into his body and Yixing knew from the moment a hand threaded into his hair that it was Yifan. There was nobody else whose fingers could massage so much of his head and at the perfect pressure.

"Are you feeling okay?" Yifan asked, his nails scratching slightly at Yixing's scalp.

Yixing nodded and felt somebody else throw themselves down beside him, their weight pressed on his legs and their arms reaching up to cuddle around him.

"You've been really tired recently," spoke the person next to him, Han. "You look so sleepy all the time."

"It's all the overtime I've been doing to catch up at work," Yixing lied easily, peaking his left eye open to see Han's thoughtful expression. "I'm basically done with it now, so I shouldn't appear so exhausted."

"You shouldn't be working overtime at all," Yifan scolded, his fingers moving even more soothingly.

"Well, it's either that or not do well in my job." Yixing closed both of his eyes again. "I need to maintain the standard I've set myself and I can't afford to lose clients because I was ill."

"Are you guys going to sit there and whisper between yourselves or are you going to help us pick a film?" Zhongda called, faked annoyance in his tone.

"We all know we'll just end up watching what Tao wants," Lu Han sat up, leaving only his arm on Yixing's leg, hugging Yixing's thighs loosely. Yixing opened his eyes, head moving on Yifan's shoulder to look at his friends around the room.

"That's because my film choices are the best for everybody."

"Yeah, if there's anything Taozi is good at, it's picking films we'll all be happy with."

Tao's gaze met everybody in the room, "Do you guys have a problem with me choosing?"

Yixing shook his head when Tao made eye contact with him, it was a simple no from Yixing. He never did mind Tao's film choices, he rarely stayed awake for the most part.

"I don't care what we watch unless you make us watch _He's Just Not That Into You_ again," Zhongda muttered.

"Okay, so, it's _The Devil Wears Prada_ then." Yixing watched Tao drop onto the floor and get the film up on the television. He began to play it immediately and Yixing huffed out when he saw Yifan's hand move to pick up a bag of cheese flavoured puffs.

Yixing rolled his eyes, pinching Yifan's side as he took his hand out of Yixing's hair to open the bag up and shove a small handful of the ships into his mouth.

"I don't know how you can stand to eat those things," he scrunched his nose up, having caught a whiff of the manufactured cheese seasoning. "And don't you dare get any of that stuff in my hair."

"You just won't give them a chance," Yifan retorted, putting a few more of the abnormally orange triangles into his mouth.

Yixing shook his head, "What did Canada do to you?"

"Like you knew me before I went to Canada," Yifan chuckled. "I may have liked these already."

"But did you?" Yixing turned his head to look up at Yifan, grimacing when he saw that some of the cheese dusting sat at the side of Yifan's mouth. He lifted his hand up and used his thumb to brush it away.

Yifan smiled and shook his head, looking at Yixing with one eyebrow raised before placing another chip into his mouth. Yixing put his focus back on the TV and shuffled his legs until Lu Han was sat between them.

Like Yixing expected, he began to feel drowsy at the half an hour mark. His eyes drooped, he no longer laughed when the others did and he made sure he was comfortable between his two friends' bodies. He let himself drift off to the sound of Anne Hathaway speaking in English from across the room, his fingers curled together on his lap. Yifan shifted slightly, as if aware that Yixing was gradually slipping off to sleep.

He was lucid when somebody, probably Tao or Minxi, carried him out of the lounge and into one of the spare bedrooms down the hall. Yixing was placed under the duvet and he curled himself into the pillow. He didn't even flinch when somebody got in beside him, he merely turned towards the edge of the bed and let himself go again.

The only time he woke before dawn was when there was movement beside him, somebody trying to shuffle around on the mattress and he groaned quietly. Yixing turned his eyes, one eye opened and adjusting to the lack of light around him. From the form of the body and the size of it, Yixing knew it was Yifan and the semi-silent sound of gulping.

"Can I have some?" He grumbled, making Yifan startle where he was on the edge of the bed.

"Sure." Yifan turned to offer him the glass.

Yixing sat up groggily, resting on one elbow as he took a sip of the water into his dry mouth and swallowed. He coughed shortly, clearing his throat and Yifan took the drink back to place it down on the table.

"What time is it?" Yixing queried. He didn't dare look at his phone when he knew it would be on the highest brightness.

"Just gone four," Yifan laid back down beside Yixing and turned towards him.

"Hi," Yixing smiled, closing his eyes again.

Yifan's responding chuckle was quiet. "You should go back to sleep, you seem to really need it."

"I will," he assured Yifan. He opened his eyes up again, meeting Yifan's tired stare. "Are you okay, though? You look really awake."

"I haven't been able to sleep well, or much at all, lately," Yifan shuffled down the bed, his feet likely poking off the end of the mattress, but it brought their faces in line.

"I see," Yixing frowned. "I'm guessing that's because of the whole baby thing?"

Yifan lifted his head up for a few seconds prior to resting it back down again. "Tao's asleep on the floor, so you may want to talk quietly, unless you want him to know."

"Is he?" Yixing twisted around momentarily, eyes taking in a long shadowy lump on the floor, before staring back at Yifan. "I'll whisper then."

They were quiet, Yixing wasn't sure why but all that could be heard was faint snoring from elsewhere in the apartment. He twined his fingers together, twiddling them, and chewing the inside of his cheek.

"I'm sorry that this has been keeping you up at night," Yixing finally said.

A hand, Yifan's hand, took Yixing's under the covers and rubbed circles on it, "It's okay. It would be weird if I could just forget about it and sleep soundly each night."

"We need to talk about what we're going to do," Yixing sighed, moving the chewing motion from his cheeks around to his lower lip. "There's the first scan next week and i think that'll make things more real."

"You know I'll go along with whatever you choose to do. I'd be a pretty shitty friend if I didn't."

"Then tell me what you want," Yixing whispered across the tiny space between them. "I don't care which side you're leaning towards, I just want to know because I don't want to make this decision on my own. I feel so confused all the time and I want a little clarity from you to help me."

"I know," Yifan's eyes stared so intently into Yixing's that Yixing's heart had a surge in its pulse. "And I have been thinking about it, so much. I think I," Yifan paused, taking in a breath, "I think I want you to keep it."

"Oh," Yixing puffed out, his body deflating.

"It's just, you know I want kids and I've always kind of believed that everything happens for a reason. I can't help but think that, maybe, this was my shot at that." Yifan's face seized up with nerves, his eyes blinking a few times. "And I've considered that, if you weren't wanting to raise the baby but you didn't want abort it, maybe I could raise it. You know, on my own, or whatever."

"I don't think I could do that," Yixing frowned. "It wouldn't sit right with me if I left the baby with you, not for any of us. What would you say if the baby wanted to know its other parent? Would you, would we, have to lie to them? How would it make them feel if they found out that I'd carried them inside me for nine months then pretended to be no more important to them than a close friend?"

"I just wanted you to know the options," Yifan shuffled closer, speaking quieter. "If you wanted to do it together then I'm here for that, too. I know it's not the same, but so many kids have parents who aren't together and they turn out okay. We could work out some kind of plan and have them together, equally."

"You really want me to have this baby, don't you?"

"Honestly, yeah," Yifan bit his lip. "But I'm not going to force you, I'll still be your best friend no matter what. Don't worry about losing me through all of this, I just want you to be happy with what is decided."

"Okay," Yixing rolled onto his back, turning his head to look at Tao sleeping on the floor. "Thank you, Ge, for telling me that. I really needed it."

"It's alright," Yifan whispered, shifting so that he faced away from Yixing and towards the wall. "Go back to sleep, Xing. You need to rest."

"Yeah, I know. Goodnight, Ge."

Yifan reached around and grabbed Yixing's hand, placing a light kiss on his palm before whispering, "Night," into it.

 

///

 

"And this," the midwife beamed at both Yifan and Yixing, "is the baby's heartbeat."

The wet, throbbing noise crackled into the room and Yixing's eyes watered completely on their own. He'd heard, and felt, numerous heartbeats in his lifetime, but none had affected him as much as the one that resounded out of the ultrasound machine. Yifan's hand reached for his, holding his fingers tightly from where he was sat next to the bed Yixing was propped on. The feeling of the cold gel or the scanner on his stomach weren't so foreign once he heard the even sounds emanate out.

"Obviously, we can't find out the sex today but I can show you where the baby is on the screen." The midwife brought the screen closer and Yixing focused in on it, gasping out when he saw something there in the shape of a small bean. "At this point, things like teeth are forming and the baby has both a head and a body."

The screen was moved even closer to Yixing and Yifan shuffled in his chair until he was sat up by Yixing's head. The midwife pointed to one end of the bean shape and Yixing tilted his head to the side. "You can see the head, here."

The midwife moved away slightly and began clicking around on the computer at. "So, your baby is 20 millimetres, which is a bit larger than average." She flicked her eyes over to Yifan and laughed slightly, "Though, that could be genetics."

"I hope so," Yifan muttered. "Who would ever want to be short?"

"What makes being tall so great?" Yixing bit out, creasing his eyebrows and frowning playfully.

"Says the one who used to drink milk all the time in the hope he'd grow more."

The midwife laughed at the interaction, which had Yixing smiling and rolling his eyes. He flicked Yifan's forehead, huffing out until he turned his attention back to the black and white screen in front of him. The probe was still on his stomach and they watched the scan whilst the midwife took more details down, noting things in Yixing's file for him to take along to his factor replacement session the next week.

Yixing had expected to be nervous for his scan, Yifan too, but all he felt was excitement when he saw the shape of what was growing inside of him. He looked between Yifan and the screen, noting how Yifan was smiling at the sonogram image. Yixing's heart beat restlessly in his chest, his hand twisting around in Yifan's to weave their fingers together. Yifan's eyes broke in their stare at the screen and he smiled at Yixing, so wide and gummy that Yixing's heart only pounded harder against his sternum.

The midwife wiped Yixing's stomach and printed out some images of the scan, Yixing laughing when he saw ' _Baby Zhang Wu_ ' at the top of the page and he showed it to Yifan, who smile softened up with a squeeze to Yixing's fingers. A pleasant warmth spread through Yixing, right from where Yifan had hold of his hand.

They were allowed to leave after then, walking out from the scanning room and into the main hallways of the hospital. Yixing kept a tight grasp on Yifan's palm, his other hand holding the scan in front of him and they continued like that until they made it out to yifan's car.

"You want to keep it, don't you?" Yifan's voice remained gentle as Yixing startled in the passenger seat.

"I think so," Yixing bit his lip. "I guess, I didn't quite feel anything other than anxiousness until I sat in that chair and could see it growing inside of me. I don't know, seeing it like this, when I know that I could potentially be a pretty good father and give it a more than decent life, it feels like I know I could do this."

Yifan twisted somewhat in his seat, "But do you want it? There's a difference between knowing that you could raise a child and wanting to."

"I really think this could be something great for me," Yixing looked down at his fingers. "With all the shock fading away and having you here, it makes it easier to think of a brighter future."

Yixing saw Yifan nod once in his peripheral vision as he faced the steering wheel again, which he was holding with tightly clasped hands.

"I'm not as worried anymore," Yifan admitted. "I guess it blindsided us. _Hard_. And, now? I think I've adjusted to the idea."

"Me, too," Yixing clicked his seatbelt into place. "I thought I would hit _‘freak out’_ mode when I saw the scan, what with things suddenly becoming real because we could see it. But I didn't. I was just happy."

They let silence sit around them, both soaking everything in and watch people move around the car in the cool springtime sun. Yixing had sunk back into his seat, feeling the leather against his neck. He fluttered his eyes closed for a few seconds then opened them. He stared at Yifan after moving to settle his gaze on him.

"Do you," Yixing inhales deeply, nervous, "do you want to do it with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have the baby?" Yixing's fingers drift to his stomach, pushing against it with minimal pressure. "I know you've said it from the beginning but I want to know if you're serious about wanting to be the father of this baby."

"I wouldn't say something like that without meaning it, Xing, you know that." One of Yifan's hands move and hold over Yixing's.

"And you're deadly serious?"

"I am."

Yixing's heart leaps and he laughs, and for the first time in a long time, it's light and almost carefree, "We're having a baby."

 

///

 

Yixing doesn't see Yifan for a few days, Yifan having travelled down to Guangdong to commentate on a basketball final, and it gave him time to plan things out. There was a lump of apartment and house listings on his bedside table, settled next to a book on pregnancy and how to cope with the more stressful elements of it. Yixing had taken to drinking ginger tea in the mornings and just before lunch after reading that it helped keep the nausea at bay.

It had been a simple transition, Yixing sent Yifan snippets from books that he found interesting and Yifan sent Yixing links to prams and cribs. They'd told their parents, too. Yixing's mother had been overjoyed, his father almost tearful, but both apprehensive over the idea of two friends raising a baby together. Yifan's mother became purse-lipped and stern when they'd video-called her, an expression Yixing knew Yifan wore when he was processing something he didn't fully grasp. Her smile grew as Yifan suddenly spoke in Cantonese, his voice changing to one that sounded like a child attempting to talk their parent into buying them an ice cream. Yifan's mother had sent Yixing a package from an online Chinese store that sold paternity clothing and a lengthy email about how she would move back to China to be with Yifan, the baby and him, if they ever were to need her.

Those responses from their parents, despite being littered with [apprehension] about the situation, helped Yixing to calm down. He'd had one panicking session in the middle of the night, another time when Yifan had turned up before sunrise to soothe him back to sleep, but he hadn't had one since his parents' smiles of joy.

Yixing hadn't ever thought much to Yifan's job taking him away so often, he knew it was what Yifan lived to do. Still, with Yixing trying to plan for the future, he could not help but grow restless with the idea of Yifan missing out on things. Even without an exact due date, Yixing knew it fell directly into the basketball season. He panicked when he considered that Yifan could be somewhere hundreds of kilometres down country to watch some league game when Yixing went into labour.

In fact, the idea of Yifan not being there for every little thing irked Yixing and a strange feeling on his heart, akin to a flat thumb pressing into a bruise. Yixing's own father had been there for every stage of his life, Yixing wasn't even sure if Yifan's father knew he even had a child. They'd never talked about it before, Yifan's relationship with his father. And the more involved Yifan became, the more Yixing wondered if Yifan was worried about missing out, too. So he wrote everything down, in messages, sketchbooks-turned-journals and emails, just to ensure Yifan was kept firmly in the loop.

Yixing had even taken a photo when he'd seen that his stomach had rounded a little more out of his usually flat planes of muscle. Yifan had called him from somewhere near Dongguan with laughter in his voice and Yixing's heart skittered in short thuds in his chest at the noise.

 _"Maybe we should measure it,"_ Yixing had suggested, reaching around to the back of his wardrobe to try and find an unused sewing kit he'd bought when he'd moved in. _"Keep track of the growth or something."_

Yifan had called it a good idea over the noise of makeup artists working on his face, their excitable Cantonese not registering and Yixing wondered if Yifan would teach their child the southern language, as well as English.

Han and Minxi had called over a few hours after the phone conversation with Yifan and they all sat to watch, watching as Yifan spoke with seriousness about either teams in the preamble to the game beginning. It was always a foreign concept to Yixing, the fact he saw Yifan in the flesh one day and on satellite television the next.

"He's smiling more than usual," Lu Han noted once a commercial break began.

Minxi shrugged, he evidently hadn't noticed much of a difference. "He could be excited? He's an hour away from his hometown and he's commentating on a final, this is like his dream."

"He said he was going to spend a few days in Guangzhou before the game, I think he went to visit his grandparents and left them some flowers. He always does that whenever he's down there for work," Yixing supplied, sucking on some caramel popcorn. "He'll be back on Friday night."

"Still weird, though," Lu Han picked up his phone. "I wonder if he got laid or something down there. He's probably not dipped his dick in _months_."

Yixing cleared his throat awkwardly, which was covered by Minxi's snort of disgust and his yelped, "What kind of saying is _'dipped his dick' ?"_

"I heard Tao say it once and liked it, so it's now part of my vocabulary." Lu Han curled into Minxi's side.

Yixing listened to them bicker back and forth, attempting to quell the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach that churned at the thought of Yifan being with somebody else. He stood up and turned on the kettle, pouring himself a ginger tea, hoping it was related to the baby.

 

///

 

Yifan's hand was pressed to the bump on Yixing's stomach, it covered most of the skin Yixing had revealed and drowned his gut in warmth. It had been Yixing's idea to head over to Yifan's early on Saturday morning, showcasing the gentle curve that had taken over Yixing's abs. Yifan had stared in awe for a few moments before holding his palm out, silently asking Yixing if he could touch. His fingers had rubbed circles into the skin the moment they had touched Yixing, despite the fact that they were not expecting to feel anything much from the bump.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Yifan's hand whipped away and Yixing's shirt was pulled back down as they both twirled on their heels to see Zhongda leaning on the jamb of the kitchen door.

Zhongda's eyebrows flattened into a straight line above his eyes, arms across his chest and a curious smile on his lips. "I know you guys have tried to hide your weird sex set-up from me but this is just weird."

"Wait," Yifan stepped forward, "what _'sex set-up'_?"

"You know, when you both fuck each other when you think I'm sleeping?" Zhongda laughs, the sound comically evil. "If you thought you guys were discreet with it, you should have made your bedroom soundproof, ge. Sometimes you weren't as quiet as you thought."

"Oh?" Yixing gaped a little. "How long have you known?"

"Since, like, November?" Zhongda shrugged. "You guys have been quiet recently, though. But, then again, you tend to stay at your apartment, rather than here."

"Does anybody else—"

"No, don't worry about it," Zhongda waved his hand. "I haven't said anything about it to the others. I guessed you didn't want anybody to know, given that you were keeping it a secret. But that's not my point, what were you both doing just now?"

Yixing peered up at Yifan, meeting his eyes before they both sighed, anxiety engulfing them. Zhongda only looked more interested, rolling onto the balls of his feet.

"Are you guys dating now?"

"No," they both barked out, eyes wide.

Zhongda frowned, "Then, what...?"

"Uh, Xing and I," Yifan struggled with choosing his words, mouth hung open until he snapped it shut and ground his jaw. Yixing was far too scared to say it himself, silently urging Yifan on with his explanation. "Xing and I, we're having a baby."

Zhongda laughs, it's so loud that Yixing cringes and it quickly dies out when Zhongda sees his response. "Wait, you're serious?"

"Ye-yeah," Yixing nodded, clutching to Yifan's pant leg until Yifan's hand wrapped around his wrist, his thumb tracing calming circles over the tender underside.

"But you're not together...?" Zhongda questioned, stepping out of the doorway and into the kitchen.

"No, we aren't," Yifan almost puffed up, his hackles slightly raised as Zhongda's lips pursed, "and we're doing this."

The protectiveness of Yifan's voice, how he'd altered his posture to ensure that Yixing felt safe at his side, caused Yixing to shuffle closer. There was a new pressure in his chest as he looked at Yifan, wrapping his free arm around Yifan's elbow.

"We went for the first scan this week," Yixing heard himself chip in without registering it. "This wasn't just a snap decision."

"This is so weird," Zhongda scrunched his face up, squeezing his nose with his forefinger and thumb. "You two, two friends, are having a baby together? Was it planned, or?"

"It was an accident," Yifan confessed instantly. "We’ve looked into everything that we can and this decision was made after we’d talked things through.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Zhongda levelled. “It’s just, this whole scenario is strange. It’s going to change everything.”

“We know,” Yifan nodded. “I also know that we are going to take responsibility for everything together.”

Zhongda said nothing more, he poured himself a coffee out of the cafetiere and Yifan’s hand made its way back to Yixing’s stomach, replacing the heat there.

“And the others?” Zhongda asked between sips of his drink. “When will you tell them?”

Yifan and Yixing looked at each other, uneasiness clouding their eyes and Zhongda laughed to himself, muttering about how terrible Lu Han would be about the news and the fact that Zhongda had known first.

 

///

 

“I’m sorry, _what?!_ ” Lu Han balked, hands leaving the table to be buried into his hair. He turned to Minxi, “Min, did I hear that right? Did Yixing just say he’s going to be having a baby? Because, I’m pretty close to certain with this, that he isn’t dating anybody. So, just clarify for me, did the words _‘I’m pregnant,’_ just come out of his mouth?”

“Yep, that’s what he said,” Zhongda sighed as he up from where he had been laid across the sofa in the adjoining lounge. “I was shocked, too.”

“Wait… So not only are you pregnant, but you told _him_ before me?” Lu Han rose up from his seat, frowning down at Yixing. “He wasn’t the one you told first, though? Was he?”

“He told me first,” Yifan chipped in quietly, eyes glancing from Yixing to Lu Han and back again.

“That isn’t much of a shock,” Minxi supplied, trying to tug Lu Han back down to his seat. “I’d be more surprised if Yifan wasn’t the first to know.”

“Uh, well, that’s just the thing,” Yixing cringed, nerves churning anew in his stomach. “About the other father…”

“Yeah, who is the other dad, Yixing-ge?” Zhongda asked, grinning, taking more enjoyment from watching them squirm than he probably should have. But, Yixing couldn't blame him, the situation was strange and Lu Han's reaction was bound to be spectacular.

“You told _Zhongda_ who it is before you told Lu Han-ge?” Tao questioned, laughing as Lu Han shuffled on his feet in annoyance. “I never thought I would see the day that Yixing would risk facing Ge’s theatrics by telling Zhongda something first.”

“Yixing, this will all be forgotten,” Lu Han ground his teeth and took in a deep breath, “it will all be brushed away, if you tell me what you’ve told him. I know this isn’t the time for my petty quibbles of needing to know things first, this is where I need to know this stuff so I can support you.”

“Please sit down,” Minxi whispered. “You’re making Xing nervous.”

Yixing shuffled in his seat, searching for a way that would make what he had to say easier. Yifan’s fingers brushed across Yixing’s knee and lifted the hand that had balled up into a fist. He straightened Yixing’s fingers out and placed his own between them, gently hold Yixing’s hand in his. It was a small effort to comfort Yixing, but it was all he needed. He knew Yifan was there to support him. No matter what happened.

Yixing opened his mouth to speak, feeling everybody’s eyes, other than Yifan’s, on him. He took a moment too long in saying it. Yifan got there first.

“I’m the other father.”

Lu Han flopped back down into his chair, not because he had calmed down, but the shock had seemingly weakened his ability to stand. Minxi looked just as surprised, his mouth hanging agape and shoulders hunched up slightly. Tao’s face moved slowly, drawing his eyebrows together and pulling his mouth down into a frown. Their confusion didn’t help to settle the boiling anxiety in Yixing down to a simmer. He had no idea how they were going to react once the initial moments were over.

"Holy fuck. I did not expect that." Someone said, Yixing isn't entirely sure who, because his entire being has seized up in his chair.

It was then that Zhongda properly entered the kitchen, he sat himself down next to Yixing and gave him a closed mouth smile, taking the other hand that Yifan wasn’t already holding.

“They’re going to do this together,” Zhongda began, his words spoken softly and calmly. The others blinked a few times over, removing the glaze of shock from their eyes whilst they turned their attention to Zhongda. “It may not be conventional, and we don’t need to know the ins-and-outs of whatever has happened between them at this point. I’ve had a few days for the disbelief to wear off a little. _And_ , I’ve seen them together. They’re not taking this lightly, it’s stressful enough for them as it is, they don’t need us acting like teenagers about it. What we all need to do is be the best friends that we can be in this situation and support the decision they’ve made. We don’t have to agree with it, but we have to be there. As a group. _As a family.”_

Yixing bit his lip as Zhongda spoke, water wobbling in his eyes and his breath held in his lungs. There was an extra release of weight from him, the liberating waves of having Zhongda’s support relaxed him. Yixing pressed more of his weight into the back of his chair, clutching tighter to Yifan’s and Zhongda’s hands, he hoped they’d ground him.

He wasn’t entirely sure that it worked. In fact, it didn’t. As, he still came plummeting down when he was abruptly tackled across the table by Lu Han. His arms were around Yixing’s neck and soon his face was tucked in beneath Yixing’s ear, right where he started to sob lightly.

“You’re going to be a dad! Yixing! A dad!” A moment of silence descended, a look of horror spread across Lu Han’s face as he pulled back to turn toward Yifan. “Oh no, there’s going to be a mini _you._ Honestly, Yixing, of all people to procreate with, you chose the most annoying person in our group.”

Those few sentences, the reversion back to teasing to ease the tension, was all Yixing needed for that ten tonne weight to shift from his shoulders. He let himself smile and took a quick glance at Yifan, who had his face pulled into an unimpressed frown as he shot back his retort to Lu Han. His thumb still rubbed over the back of Yixing’s hand and Yixing couldn’t have thought of anyone better to go through everything with.

 

///

 

Yifan's mother, as well as Yixing's, stared at them from the other side of the laptop screen, it was awkward and quiet as the two women looked at each other for the first time. Even if it was just through a video chat. The two women had never met one another before, with Yifan's mother living in Canada  and Yixing's remaining in the area he grew up in. Though, they had both expressed an interest in getting to know one another. Especially since they'd be the grandmothers to the same child for the rest of their lives.

Yixing had never actually met Yifan's mother face-to-face, only ever being able to communicate with her via Weibo, or whenever he'd invade Yifan's calls to her, but Yifan had met Yixing's. Yifan was certain the two women would get along, but the tense atmosphere of the video call did not seem to backup Yifan's thoughts.

It had only been two minutes since the introductions were made and most of that time had been filled with Yixing talking about nothing much at all, he just simply wanted to fill the silence. Yixing felt as though he had done all he could as he glanced over at Yifan.

Yifan did not appear to have shared the same anxieties as Yixing, as he lounged back and ate more of the cheese covered corn chips he loved. They were his favourite brand, too, freshly sent over in a package from one of his old university friends from Canada. As soon as the bag came into view, however, Yifan's mother launched into a tirade about the bag of chips, which was made all the better by the fact she did so in Mandarin, rather than Cantonese or English. But, the whole situation made Yixing smile, because barely a moment after Yifan's other had finished, Yixing's mother piped up, too.

Soon, both women were giving Yifan both barrels on their thoughts regarding his unhealthy snack, supporting one another whenever the other brought up a new point.

Yifan huffed and whined a little, but rolled the top of the bag up and placed it on the floor, out of sight.

"If you dare to keep eating them once this call is done, I will send Mrs Zhang up to you and watch over you like you're a little boy," Yifan's mother warned, her final say.

"I would gladly do so," Yixing's mother agreed. "You need to make sure you're healthy for when the baby comes!"

Yixing settled more when they started exchanging _WeChat_ IDs, hoping to discuss more pregnancy tips for Yixing and get to know one another more. Pretty soon they were avidly discussing what they can do to prepare for their grandchild's future, like setting up a bank account for them to put money into for the child when they grew up - especially if they wanted to go to university, or travel to see Yifan's mother, should she still be in Canada.

That sense of being at ease with their mothers talking seemed to drain from both men, sat side-by-side on the sofa in Yixing's apartment. Their mothers were thinking so far into the future, much further than either of then had yet considered, and it suddenly dawned on Yixing just how much they had to prepare for. Only to be worsened by the fact that he knew it would probably be even more than he ever imagined.  He felt Yifan's fingers search for his and he grabbed onto Yifan's hand instantly and clutching at his fingers. He knew the action was to comfort him but, instead, it became a communication line for his fears. The more their mothers talked so casually about the rest of their lives had panic shooting through his veins with every beat of his heart.

"Hey, I don't mean to interrupt, but I think it's time for Xing and I to get lunch." Yifan's soft voice spoke, splicing the conversation between the two women neatly down the middle. "It's been a little while since we ate breakfast and it'd be better if we ate dinner at a decent time, too."

Their goodbyes, though lengthy and full of repeated advice, were filled with genuine care and requests that Yixing take care of himself. The moment the two ladies had gone, Yifan slammed the lid down on his _MacBook_ and Yixing deflated into the sofa cushions beneath him, stress permeated between them.

"Well, that was both brilliant and a disaster," Yifan sighed as he hauled Yixing up to pull him against his chest. "They really know the right things to say to each other, but the worst things to say to us."

Yixing hummed, agreeing. He slumped down against Yifan.

Barely a minute later, both Yixing and Yifan’s phones vibrated with the alert that they had been added into a groupchat with their mothers. Yixing spied Yifan immediately muting the conversation thread, but his eyes lingered on one message in particular.

_Where will you both live when the baby comes?_

It’s nothing Yixing’s thought of before, even if Yifan and Zhongda had told him countless times that he could move in. He knew his own apartment isn’t ideal for raising a child in. It’s a minuscule, shoebox of a thing that he paid most of his salary to live in.

“I can sense the anxiety rolling off you in waves,” Yifan hummed, his whole chest vibrating with the sound. “Whatever it is, we will work it out.”

“We don’t even know where we’re going to live, Yifan.” Yixing sat up to stare Yifan in the eyes. “Where are we going to live?”

Yifan’s eyes widened, his lips let out a soft, _“We?”_

Yixing’s brain stopped dead in its tracks as he blurted, “Why wouldn’t it be both of us?”

“I don’t know… I sort of guessed you might want to live alone when this happens to adjust, or something…”

“Ge, we’re doing this together, why wouldn’t we live in the same place? It’s _our_ baby.”

The smile that spread across Yifan’s face, one that crinkled at his eyes and showed almost all his gums, at Yixing simply saying _‘our baby’_ drove a sparking sensation into Yixing’s heart. The sheer happiness Yifan showed that he felt at the notion of being a father, Yixing could not help but edge towards him again. Maybe it was the sudden swing of happiness or some impulse in Yixing’s brain, Yixing didn’t know why he surged forward to kiss Yifan. All he knew is that he wanted to, so he did. And Yifan’s hand, cradling his cheek. Yifan’s lips, smiling as he responded. Yifan’s eyes, fluttered shut as if to savour the moment.

Once they parted, Yixing took Yifan’s hand in his and told him, “We need to live together, if we are going to do this together, to be a family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on twitter, i'm [@yifantares](https://twitter.com/yifantares)  
> or on curiouscat, where i often write dribbles i don't post here, i'm [@yifan](https://curiouscat.me/yifan)


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